Enzo Fernandez has signed a 27-year contract with Chelsea following his last-minute transfer deadline day switch from Benfica.
The British record deal means the Argentina midfielder will remain with the Blues until his 49th birthday, when he will be free to negotiate with other clubs.
“I am delighted to commit myself to Chelsea until I’m a middle-aged man,” the World Cup winner told Paddy Power News.
“I look forward to my retirement and then stint as a h*t pundit on the club’s own in-house TV channel and of course, regular prostate examinations.”
Fernandez becomes Chelsea’s 105th signing of the January transfer window and new owner Todd Boehly’s 253rd overall since buying the club in May 2022.
But despite the West London outfit’s frenetic transfer activity, the club’s owners claim they are operating within FFP rules.
It follows a special UEFA investigation into Chelsea for potential financial fair play breaches, led by former FIFA vice-president Jack Warner, ex-Wall Street stockbroker Jordan Belfort and the lazy steward who did the pat-downs before a Tottenham v Bournemouth game in 2016.
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It’s the same panel of investigators who probed the accounts of clubs such as PSG and Manchester City.
Pep Guardiola’s side were banned from the Champions League for two seasons and fined £25m after ‘serious breaches’ of financial regulations.
Although this was later reduced to five minutes on the naughty step after an appeal.
However, when asked if they found any irregularities during the investigation of Chelsea’s transfer dealings, Mr Belfort told Paddy Power News: “Was all this legal? Absolutely f**king not.”
Meanwhile, Boehly has denied claims he thinks he’s playing some real-life version of the PC game Football Manager, despite making deadline day bids for the likes of Ibrahima Bakayoko and Cherno Samba.
“I offered Derby County 500 grand for a 16-year-old wonderkid called Tonton Zola Moukoko,” said the 49-year-old billionaire.
“My scouts reckon he’ll bang in 30 goals a season from midfield.
“Oh, hold on, I’ve just been offered the Shrewsbury job”, he grinned, while pointing at his laptop.
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense
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