Todd Boehly searching down back of sofa for £100m ahead of fresh Brighton raid

Looks like it might be time for Chelsea's owner to buy some more sofas.


Chelsea owner Todd Boehly is hoping to find £100m to fund the signing of Kaoru Mitoma – or literally anyone – from Brighton before the transfer window slams shut tonight.

Paddy Power News understands Boehly is understood to be rampaging around his manor house estate in Cobham searching high and low for a way to make the transfer happen.

That’s despite a January spend in the region of £220m on seven new players he has already forgotten the names of, as well as looking to spend a further £105m on Benfica and Argentina star Enzo Fernandez.

“He’s hoping to find some change that may have fallen down the back of the sofa or been left in a pair of jeans which now reside in a pile of untouched dirty washing,” a source close to the search said.

“He’s checked the pocket of every tweed jacket he owns.

He’s even looked inside all 52 supercars.

“He saw that Mitoma goal on Sunday and decided he wants the boy at Chelsea. He’s never seen him play before, has no idea what position the lad plays and hasn’t even spoken to Graham Potter about it, but it’s his club, his cash, and his rules.

Kaoru Mitoma Brighton

“Luckily he found £100m in one of his old helicopters, so you can expect a bid imminently.”

With Chelsea looking to add any Tom, Dick and Harry to their squad, rumours coming from Stamford Bridge suggest Boehly usually likes to throw a dart at a wall which has photos of over 5,000 professional players.

“How do you think Benoit Badiashile and Joao Felix ended up at Stamford Bridge?” added the source.


As the Mitoma rumours gather pace, PP News managed to speak to a steward who works match days at the AMEX Stadium for the cast-iron inside track on the situation on the south coast.

“Mitoma certainly had his head turned by Chelsea, but after joining a FaceTime call with his old teammate Marc Cucurella, he has opted to stay at Brighton.

“We don’t know what was said exactly, but apparently Cucu spent the entire time crying into his cereal saying how much he hates his new life.”

Nottingham Forest Corner Flag

Elsewhere in the Premier League on transfer deadline day, news of Chelsea’s interest in Mitoma and Enzo Fernandez has sparked an unsavoury reaction at Nottingham Forest, where club representatives have been sent into a state of panic.

“Despite Nottingham Forest having little to no chance in tempting either Mitoma or Fernandez to the East Midlands, we as a club take our status as the most frivolous and stupid club, very seriously,” a source inside the City Ground said.

“Chelsea might be acting like d**ks with their erratic spend right now, but they’ve got a long way to go before they can match our levels of transfer behaviour.

“With this in mind, we can today confirm bids for a further 19 players have been made this morning.”

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense


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