Ahead of Saturday’s clash with Manchester United, Reading have taken to social media to find a right sided player willing to pull on the shirt and face Marcus Rashford.
It is understood that regular right-sided defender Andy Yiadom and right wing-back Junior Hoilett have both called in sick hours before kick-off, leaving manager Paul Ince with a headache.
“Apparently the boys are scared stiff over facing Marcus and don’t want their careers ended on live Saturday night TV.
“Yiadom has called the physio claiming his eyes are red and itchy because hay fever has started four months early!”
“Hoilett has supposedly got a flat tyre on his Range Rover and is waiting for AA somewhere on the M6,” confirmed a source close to the club.
“Ince tried to get a couple of short-term loan deals over the line today, but between the weather being too cold in Manchester, having plans to attend some sh*t-hole night spot on Saturday evening, or shopping for a new Gucci man-bag, not a single lower league player was available or willing to take the opportunity.
“The poor bloke even reached out to his ex-United team mate Paul Parker who apparently told him ‘No chance, mate,’ then hung-up the phone laughing.”
Soccer Football – Champions League – Group Stage – Group H – Manchester United v Valencia – Old Trafford, Manchester, Britain – October 2, 2018 General view inside the stadium before the match REUTERS/Phil Noble
And his ex-Liverpool team-mate Phil Babb also turned down the opportunity to play.
“I told him the only thing more painful than colliding with a goalpost with your legs open would be attempting to keep your dignity when playing against Rashford.”
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While Reading struggle to find players willing to take to the field, the same cannot be said for United who find themselves with an almost fully fit squad and in fantastic form having not lost in any of their previous 11 matches – at least according to their fans.
“If Casemiro was playing, he would have prevented that last goal, so the reality of it is the game finished 2-2,” one supporter explained.
“Unbeaten in 11, pal. Fact.”
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense
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