Boehly found hiding in Arsenal car park ahead of Kiwior switch

Todd's about


Chelsea chief Todd Boehly has been discovered at Arsenal’s training ground in Colney, Paddy Power News can reveal.

It’s believed the 49-year-old American was staking out the complex in the hope of hijacking another of the Gunners’ transfer moves.

Todd Boehly, Co-Founder, Chairman and CEO, Eldridge, speaks during the Milken Institute Global Conference on October 19, 2021 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Patrick T. FALLON / AFP) (Photo by PATRICK T. FALLON/AFP via Getty Images)

“We found several empty coffee cups, boxes of donuts and bags full of rubbish that had been rifled through for unshredded documents,” we were told by a club source.

“We can only assume he was trying to pilfer Arsenal’s transfer targets or that he really, really cares about sorting recycling correctly.”

The Blues owner remained tight-lipped on being discovered at first, but club staff found away to make him talk.

“We just locked him in a room and read Piers Morgan columns over the tannoy for a few minutes and he quickly cracked.”

Boehly soon revealed he hoped to nab Spezia defender Jakub Kiwior, or “this Kiwi guy” as he put it.

“I was mighty p*ssed to miss Lenander Tosser from Brighton Super Gulls to you guys last week, but this Jack Kiwi guy is mine!

Arsenal fans the emirates

“Him and Mike Mudrake are gonna be Chelsea Blues MVPs for many EPL regular seasons to come.”

A quick glance through the search history on his phone confirmed the billionaire’s cunning plan, the most recent search’s including “who is Jakob Kiwior”, “where is spezia”, and “what is a centre back” according to our sources.


In an effort to protect their transfer communications, Arsenal subsequently released Boehly along with a a homing pigeon that had a list of supposed Arsenal transfer targets tied to its foot.

“Let’s just say, don’t be surprised if Igor Stepanovs shows up at Stamford Bridge before the end of January,” our Arsenal connection said.

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense


  • Breaking: Sean Dyche flees UK as Everton rumours intensify
  • Man United cancel title-win bus parade plans after Palace draw
  • Guardiola reveal half-time teamtalk v Spurs: ‘Lads, it’s Tottenham’
  • FA Cup games to be shown on Pornhub after Wolves v Liverpool stunt
  • Premier League Sack Race: Who’ll be next to get the boot?
The latest football odds are on right now


What do you think?