Following news that Cristiano Ronaldo has a clause written into his contract which could allow him to move to Newcastle United if they qualify for Champions League football next season, sources tell us that the opportunity to play alongside Chris Wood would be too good to turn down.
Manager Eddie Howe was said to be unconvinced by the idea of bringing in a fifth-choice striker but with the club’s finances being beyond human comprehension, the owners said why the hell not offer the opportunity to the 37-year-old.
“We are always looking to bolster the squad, so what better way to do so than by bringing in a back-up for his back-up for his back-up,” confirmed the source.
“The belief amongst the club hierarchy is, under the correct supervision, Ronaldo would be fantastic to have around the other players, demonstrating professionalism, sharing his wisdom, and encouraging the younger generation, and he wouldn’t be disruptive at all.
“There is also a belief that he could learn a lot from Chris Wood and do a wonderful job for the side getting the odd outing in the Carabao Cup.”
“With Callum Wilson and Alexander Isak having legs made of glass, Wood will be the main man in attack, but rest assured if he also picks up a knock, Ronaldo will get a chance to prove himself…
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“That is unless Howe promotes a youth player to the first team squad, which in that case would make Cristiano fifth choice, which I am sure he will be fine with.”
Following Portugal’s World Cup exit it was rumoured that CR7 took time to reflect on his options and eventually obtained membership to the Coady Academy of Backroom Banter Around Good Eggs (C.A.B.B.A.G.E), which is an exclusive club opened by Conor Coady in 2018.
Designed with the professional footballer who never gets game time in mind, C.A.B.B.A.G.E aims to help develop new skills away from kicking a ball, to keep the squad entertained.
Stand-up comedy routines, card tricks and cabaret performances were all part of the training which Paddy Power News understands Ronaldo grasped with both hands.
“Yes, we heard that after attending C.A.B.B.A.G.E, Cristiano is now the GOAT at Knock Knock jokes, as well as part of a very sexy burlesque show. The whole squad is excited by his arrival,” concluded the source.
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