Premier League Christmas Wishlist: What Every Manager Wants From Santa

Premier League managers are like the rest of us - they all want something shiny and new for Christmas. Only usually it's a centre-forward, not a PS5...

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The World Cup’s gone and that means it’s time to re-wrap last year’s Lynx gift set from gran and pass it on to someone else.

Hard to believe, but in just a matter of days we’ll be telling our loved ones they can exchange that if it doesn’t fit while trying to remember where we put the receipt.

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And Premier League managers, just like you and I, have been dropping hints and conveniently mentioning things they might like to find wrapped up under their tree come the big day too.

So here, from top to bottom, is what each top-flight gaffer is hoping to unwrap this Sunday morning…

Mikel Arteta Arsenal Rapid Vienna Europa League December 3, 2020

1 – Mikel Arteta

Alongside his traditional barrelful of Just For Men, all the Arsenal gaffer wants is a card from the Premier League stating: “League over, you’re the champions, see you in August 2023”.

2 – Pep Guardiola

A vial of Lionel Messi’s DNA, which will be used to grow a replica of the Argentine in Man City’s Dubai Sportlab in time for the Champions League final.

3 – Eddie Howe

Absolutely nothing because the Newcastle boss wants to be judged on his own merits and abilities, and certainly does not require, say, millions upon millions of pounds to be spent on more players to show what a fantastic manager he is.

4 – Antonio Conte

A rubber-stamp of Daniel Levy’s signature.

5 – Erik Ten Hag

An office refit after Ronaldo wrecked the place when the United boss suggested he might be better used off the bench. Not sure the Glazers will pay for it though.

6 – Jurgen Klopp

Pep Lijnders’ book on how to get Liverpool playing again.

7 – Roberto de Zerbi

An underground basement for Alexis Mac Allister to stop another club taking him in January,

Graham Potter

8 – Graham Potter

An all-star game! Penalty shoot-outs after draws! Ad breaks before corners! And whatever the latest brainfart from Todd Boehly happens to be. Though definitely not Ronaldo.

9 – Marco Silva

A pinch to make sure he’s not dreaming – Fulham really aren’t getting relegated?!

10 – Thomas Frank

A very useful off-brand appliance from the middle aisle in Aldi that does just as good a job – if not better – than the much more expensive version.

11 – Patrick Vieira

Dinner with Roy Keane. Pizza will not be on the menu.

12 – Unai Emery

The new Villa boss only wants one thing: to express his gratitude to Steven Gerrard for mismanaging a decent side so thoroughly.

Brendan Rodgers

13 – Brendan Rodgers

A framed, signed photo of Brendan Rodgers to add to the collection.

14 – Gary O’Neil

A recording of Scott Parker’s early season teamtalks to remind the players how sh*te it was whenever their form dips.

15 – Jesse Marsch

An English-American phrasebook.

16 – David Moyes

Multiple copies of “West Ham’s Greatest European Performances” DVD to give to the board if results don’t improve.

Frank Lampard Chelsea Champions League

17 – Frank Lampard

The players to have a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror, yeah?

18 – Steve Cooper

Doesn’t want anything for Christmas, but wouldn’t mind 17 or 18 new players in January.

19 – Nathan Jones

Not to lose 9-0 too soon in his tenure.

20 – Julen Lopetegui

A Rosetta Stone course in Portuguese.,

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense

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