The England team will have an open-top bus tour around London to celebrate winning the 2022 World Cup Fair-Play trophy.
Despite the sub-zero temperatures, an FA spokesman told Paddy Power News that Gareth Southgate’s all-conquering side will tour the capital next week after picking up just one yellow card in the entire tournament;
“We want to create a real party atmosphere” they explained. “We feel there’s no better way to kick-off Christmas week than the country celebrating fair-play finally coming home.
“The fans have had a long time to wait since Le Tournoi in ’97, so we want to say thank you to them for putting up with some fairly s**t performances down the years.”
An insider in the England camp told us that the players were also keen on the idea.
“This lot have, and probably will, win f**k all at international level, so they deserve this moment. Even before Harry Kane launched that penalty over the bar on Saturday, we knew we had the Fair Play gong in the bag. After the game we got in contact with the Mayor of London and he seemed keen to take things forward.
“He was at pains to say however, that he didn’t want any fake breasts on the bus or people throwing custard pies at each like in 1990 and that the players must remain sober throughout the journey.”
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Sobriety won’t be an issue, another player inside the Three Lions squad.
“Some of the lads are back in Premer League action next week so we’ll have to stay off the sauce. The hotel gave us two crates of alcohol-free Budweiser to bring home so we’ll drink that.”
The route has yet to be finalised, but it’s expected to take in some of the capital’s most famous landmarks, provided the council have enough salt for the roads.
Although London may be ready to celebrate, not everyone is happy about the idea of a homecoming parade. One stall holder on Oxford Street explained to us that;
AL KHOR, QATAR – DECEMBER 10: A dejected Harry Kane of England reacts after his team is knocked out of the FIFA World Cup during the FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 quarter final match between England and France at Al Bayt Stadium on December 10, 2022 in Al Khor, Qatar. (Photo by James Williamson – AMA/Getty Images)
“It’s the busiest week of the year for me, selling tat to hapless tourists and the FA are now saying that I can’t set up on that day as they need the pavement space.
“Where else are people going to find a plastic policeman’s helmet and hand-cuffs for their Secret Santa’s at such short notice?
“While you’re here, do you want to buy a couple of cuddly Beefeaters wearing stockings and suspenders?”
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense
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