Cristiano Ronaldo is understood to have his heart set on a new career which could see him walk away from the Portugal national team and any potential move to Saudi Arabia.
Despite being three wins away from lifting the World Cup with his national side and having an offer on the table in the region of £173m per year – plus the promise of owning his own Bengal tiger while living in a castle – sources close to the Portuguese star have suggested the threat of being loaned to Saudi feeder club Newcastle United appear to have been enough of a deterrent that the player has decided to call time on his playing career.
With Ronaldo no longer gracing football fans with 89 minutes of arm-throwing petulance, Paddy Power News looks at several options the player is said to be considering several potential new careers.
David Nugent impersonator
The infamous goal thief has always been a hero of Cristiano’s, so much so that in recent weeks the Portuguese striker tried to steal a goal that he clearly didn’t deserve.
Word on the street is Ronaldo already owns Preston, Bury and Derby County kits and relives that special Nugent moment in his back garden where he makes his son play the role of poor Jermaine Defoe.
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Professional boxer
Having been spotted with Phil Bardsley down the local boxing gym in Salford, there has been talk that the tan-tastic ex-Man United striker is taking tips from one former United team-mate on how to knock the living sh*t out of another former United team-mate.
Ronaldo is believed to want to fight Wayne Rooney, and if there is one man who knows how to coach him to victory, it’s Bardsley.
Beauty salon manager
Lip-fillers, botox, gel-nails, waxing, manicures, pedicures, sunbeds, you name it, Ronaldo knows it.
Outside of football, body maintenance is his bread and butter, so it makes sense for the world’s most body-obsessed footballer to pass on his expertise in the cutthroat world of beauty therapy. Now pucker up and apply.
Dinner party host
Cristiano believes he’d smash the competition on Come Dine With Me with his deconstructed vegan trifle – though only the elite would make the guest list.
He’s been very clear about who is not invited – sorry Gary, forget it Wazza – so watch this space for a brand-new dinner party videocast featuring Cristiano and friends.
Attendees such as Piers Morgan, Piers Morgan’s cameraman and Piers Morgan’s hair and make-up person are expected to complete the line-up each and every week. What fantastic viewing that’ll be.
Live on a farm
I guess if you are referred to as GOAT for so long – family, friends, teammates and strangers all know how to properly address you – you’ll start thinking of yourself as a goat? It’s the only explanation for reports the legend may be considering identifying as a bearded, hay-munching farmyard dweller in his post-football days.
Though we’re yet to confirm if anyone’ll pay £3.5 million quid a week to have him munch the covers off their tractor seat while sh*tting everywhere.
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 110% nonsense – you can believe in that
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