Sports Direct in Glasgow reports record Senegal shirt sales

Pre-orders on France kits through the roof too

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Financial experts are reporting Scotland’s retail sector has reached dizzy, record-breaking heights thanks to sales of over a million Senegal football tops since Tuesday

Despite the hospitality sector drastically underperforming, with pubs empty as the nation does its best to pretend the World Cup doesn’t exist. there has been a surge in shirt sales for the West African country reported by retailer Sports Direct.

Aliou Cisse Senegal

“These are unprecedented times for all of Scotland. We’ve not seen cash thrown around like this since 1995 when Braveheart was released at the cinema,” confirmed a representative from Bloomberg.

When asked if wearing a Senegal football top to bed, to work and to the gym was to show support for the African side who face England in the World Cup this weekend, or just pure coincidence, one Scottish fan had this to say to a Paddy Power News journalist:

“Nae heard of the World Cup mate, I just like the patterns on this jersey. Could wear it to a festival or something.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’m in a rush home, the replay of the Curling European Championship finals on Eurosport for the seventeenth time this week in half an hour.”

“Scotland won that, y’know. Proper sport.”

Despite every Scottish man, woman, and dog being desperate for England to lose against Senegal on Sunday, one leading professor of economics has predicted that a win for England could benefit the whole of Scotland for the next five decades.

Jordan Pickford, Kieran Trippier, Jack Grealish, england

“My algorithms suggest if England progress on Sunday, around 10 million France shirts will be purchased in the following 48 hours. If England go on to beat France, a further 15 million Brazil tops could be sold and that is when things begin to spiral out of control due to significant economic growth” suggested Dr Cameron McKenzie.

“Houses quadruple in price, Londoners hoover up flats, independent coffee shops appear on every corner run by men with moustaches and top-knots, then £25 for a pint of craft beer becomes the norm,

It’s only a matter of time before TikTok influencers appear on every street corner, tourists travel from across the globe to visit Dunfermline’s East End Park, Ally McCoist goes into Love Island and Kylie Jenner claims the Proclaimers are the greatest musical act of all time” continued McKenzie.

“Then bang – Scotland is the most desired destination with the most booming economy in all of Europe. So get behind the England team this Sunday.”

*Paddy Power’s football news coverage is 110% nonsense*

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