Breaking: Weatherspoons to install microbreweries at World Cup venues

Better do the cocktail pitchers too

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Beer giant JD Wetherspoon will install micro-breweries outside World Cup stadiums after another dramatic U-turn by tournament organisers.

Having stated that there would be no alcohol sales immediately outside and inside stadia, Qatar officials have changed their minds again and let the pub chain supply beers at fan parks outside all tournament venues.

A spokesperson for ‘Spoons told Paddy Power News:

“We’re delighted to now be the official beer supplier for World Cup 2022. As soon as we got the green light, 100’s of chartered planes, full of beer, left for the Middle East and we expect to be ready for Sunday’s curtain raiser.”

When asked whether the pub chain, who are renowned for selling p*ss poor beer at competitive rates, would be ramping up their prices, they told us;

“We intend to keep our tariffs as low as possible. We understand some fans have spent a year’s salary just to get here.

“We will be doing loyalty cards throughout the tournament as well as a few promotions. We are also delighted to announce that we will have a special Saharan IPA on sale during the festival of football.

“After the matches, fans will be able to buy a two-pint pitcher to take back to their huts.”

When the news broke, our man on the ground in Qatar was keen to get an English perspective on things;

“It’s saved the tournament as far as I’m concerned” one explained.

“I’ve already forked out 15 grand to stay in a metal container for a month without running water, so Spoons should be applauded in my opinion.

England fans

“A World Cup without the chance to shower your mates in beer is not worth having. Do you know if they’re planning to have a curry night?”

Our reporter also bumped into some Welsh fans that had just arrived ahead of their opening game against the USA on Monday;

“That’s great f*****g news man” one explained, “Our local Spoons in Cardiff does Brains Bitter for 90p so it could be like a home from home for us.”

When we approached tournament executives to ask why the sudden change of heart, a spokesperson explained that;

“We had planned to fly in a load of actors to play the part of drunken fans, to give the games a more realistic feel, but their demands were just too much.

“Having done our research we realised Weatherspoon’s alcohol is so watered down, it’s impossible to get drunk on it anyway.”

Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is just complete nonsense, every word of it. Honest.

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