Celtic & Rangers accept invitation to play in Northern Premier League

Top 4? Probably in the Northern Prem


Celtic and Rangers have accepted an invitation to ply their trade in the seventh tier of English football, Paddy Power News can exclusively reveal.

Officials from both clubs have informed SPL chiefs of their intention to join the Northern Premier League with immediate effect.

GLASGOW, SCOTLAND - OCTOBER 11: A general view of Ibrox Stadium is seen ahead of the EURO 2016 Qualifier match between Scotland and Georgia at Ibrox Stadium on October 11, 2014 in Glasgow, Scotland. (Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images)

The move was welcomed by supporters of both sides amid growing concerns their clubs might do something silly like ask to join the actual Premier League.

It comes after Rangers suffered their heaviest-ever European defeat at Ibrox against a Liverpool side so bereft of confidence, they even lost to lowly Manchester United.


Meanwhile, Celtic’s Champions League campaign was the most disastrous thing played out in Europe since the UK’s Brexit negotiations.

‘When Darwin Nunez scored, there was stunned silence in the directors box’, a Rangers source told Paddy Power News.

‘That’s the moment everyone realised joining the Premier League would be a very stupid idea’.

‘The thought of Erling Haaland banging in a first-half double hat trick against us is just too much to bear’.

‘We even sent Man City a written apology for gifting Salah a morale-boosting hat-trick ahead of their game this weekend’.

GLASGOW, SCOTLAND – OCTOBER 12: Mo Salah of Liverpool shoots at goal during the UEFA Champions League group A match between Rangers FC and Liverpool FC at Ibrox Stadium on October 12, 2022 in Glasgow, Scotland. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

Many pundits believe the Glasgow sides have the fanbase, infrastructure and playing squads to compete at the highest level of English non-league football.

‘I was viewed as a God in Scotland – and not just in my own mind’, former Hoops striker Chris Sutton told Paddy Power News.

‘With proper investment and the right recruitment, Celtic could eventually establish themselves as sh*te League One club with a big stadium, like Sheffield

Wednesday, Bolton or Derby County’.

Meanwhile, Ibrox ground staff described the moment Rangers fans made a failed attempt to ‘get at’ Liverpool fans by rushing the officials around the away section.

‘To be fair to lads who did it, it was the closest Rangers got to Liverpool all night’, said one steward.

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is just complete nonsense, every word of it. Honest.

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