Liverpool fan STILL refuses to put Haaland in fantasy team

96 points? Pah, he's just a flash in the pan


A Liverpool fan who remains reluctant to put Erling Haaland in his Fantasy Premier League team has found himself bottom of all the leagues he entered.

Despite Haaland’s record-setting pace in his opening eight games for Manchester City, during which he has racked up a whopping 96 FPL points, twenty-six-year-old Ryan Keane has opted to “stick to his guns” keeping Mo Salah, Trent Alexander-Arnold and Darwin Nunez as his “must have” players on the belief that Liverpool will hit form soon and Haaland will be “found out”.


“Pound for pound, Darwin is a better choice than Haaland. He will outscore him and finish on more points, mark my words.

“Just need to pick the right week to triple-captain him.”

Not adding the Norwegian goalscoring machine has also allowed the Reds fan to strengthen other areas of his team.

“Darwin’s £3m cheaper, so it frees up funds to afford both Mo and Trent too.

“They’re having a blip right now, but come the end of the season when Haaland’s so bored scoring he’s taken the last 15 games off, I’ll be saying I told you so while sitting top of all the leagues I’m in,” claimed Ryan.

Asked if he’d thought about using his Wildcard and picking a new team full of City players he hung up on our reporter.

And, with Haaland in deadly form having netted his third hattrick of the season, the Government released a rare statement advising those who do not own him in FPL to “do what they can” to get him into their team confirming that 99.8% of FPL players who have the Norwegian in their side enjoy a more happy and prosperous day to day life.

A paragraph from the statement read as follows:

“We live in challenging times with the energy crisis and cost of living, not to mention mortgage rates increasing and the pound losing value, so why not give yourself the best possible start to the day by knowing you have Erling Haaland in your FPL team.

“When you open the app before work and see 46 points earnt from the Manchester United game alone, it goes a long way to alleviating day-to-day stress and putting a smile on your face.

“Don’t let FPL be a burden, don’t avoid doing the necessary, get Haaland in your team and watch your life improve.”

Away from the Premier League and with all eyes on Qatar, one cheeky journalist asked the Man City striker how he will be spending his time this winter with Norway having not qualified for the World Cup.

“My regime is simple, I stick the faces of Alan Shearer, Theirry Henry, Andy Cole and Wayne Rooney on a wall in my garden and smash footballs at them for hours at a time.

“I’m coming for each and every one of their records,” Haaland told Paddy Power News.

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is just complete nonsense, every word of it. Honest.

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