Premier League defenders celebrate Diego Costa work permit rejection

Talk about a Brexit bonus


Premier League defenders are organising a night on the town to celebrate Diego Costa’s work permit application rejection.

Wolves had hoped to sign the 33-year-old following an anterior cruciate ligament injury to summer-signing Sasa Kalajdzic.


However, the former Atletico Madrid striker’s initial application for a work permit has been turned down by the Home Office on the grounds that he is a ‘humungous sh*thouse’.

‘He’s a total b*stard’, a Home Office spokesperson told Paddy Power News.

‘I think I speak on behalf of all Premier League fans when I say I’m sick of the sight of his whining prematurely-aged face’.

‘Let him throw rocks at stray dogs or whatever he’s been doing in Brazil for the past 8 months’.

News of the decision sparked wild celebrations among Premier League defenders, many of whom still bear the scars of the Spaniard’s first stint in England’s top-flight.

The players then set about organising an impromptu night out in a WhatsApp group created by Liverpool’s Virgil van Dijk.

PAMPLONA, SPAIN – JUNE 17: Diego Costa of Atletico Madrid during the La Liga Santander match between Osasuna v Atletico Madrid at the El Sadar stadium on June 17, 2020 in Pamplona Spain (Photo by David S. Bustamante/Soccrates/Getty Images)

‘It was like winning the Premier League title, the World Cup and a lottery roll over – all at once’, the Dutchman said of hearing Costa’s application had been denied.

‘There’s been a massive response to the night out. Everyone’s buzzing. Especially the Wolves lads who would’ve had to train with him every day’.

‘Some of them were moved to tears. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get a bit emotional myself’.

Meanwhile, Wolves have appealed the decision but have a contingency plan should the ruling be upheld.

COVENTRY, ENGLAND – AUGUST 01: Wolverhampton Wanderers manager Bruno Lage with substitutes Nelson Semedo and Joao Moutinho during the pre-season friendly between Coventry City and Wolverhampton Wanderers at the Coventry Building Society Arena on August 1, 2021 in Coventry, England. (Photo by Visionhaus/Getty Images)

‘Bruno Lage has drawn up a shortlist of alternative targets should the appeal fail’, a Wolves source told Paddy Power News.

‘Hannibal Lecter, Emperor Palpatine and Pennywise the Clown are three of the names on there’.

‘Outgoing Prime Minister Boris Johnson was another name originally on that list but he was removed over fears of a Molineux backlash’.

*Paddy Power’s breaking sports coverage is 100% fake news*

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