Universally acclaimed football journalist Fabrizio Romano will be cryogenically frozen when the ‘Transfer Window’ closes at midnight tonight.
The 29-year-old is set to return to his home planet of Sargon IV after another gruelling summer spent breaking transfer stories on Earth.
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To survive the long-haul interstellar flight, Romano must enter a hypersleep chamber which suspends the body’s autonomic functions during stasis.
Romano visits the Earth when there are holes in the space-time continuum known as ‘Transfer Windows.’
Behind the scenes. Inter approached Marcos Alonso agents on Tuesday to explore a potential move in case of Gosens departure. The answer was very clear: he’s waiting for Barcelona, no way. 🚨🔵🔴 #FCB
Alonso agreed personal terms in April on 3 year total deal — it’s only Barça. pic.twitter.com/v4nPyBOHZt
— Fabrizio Romano (@FabrizioRomano) August 31, 2022
During these windows, football clubs around the world trade players while human beings spread fear and misinformation regarding transfers on the internet.
Romano’s mission is to save the human race from lads on Twitter with 20 followers who claim have inside knowledge of their club’s transfer dealings.
The journo remains in his ‘frozen’ state between windows, during which he is shielded from the effects of time. Speaking to Paddy Power News from onboard the star ship ISS HERE WE GO, Romano told us: “My mission here is almost complete.
“I saved millions of people from trawling through endless tweets by lads pretending to have a club source. Never again, will humanity be subjected to those bullsh*t sightings of Neymar and his entourage in a Manchester Waitrose.
“Or a bunch of flight tracker updates from some a*sehole claiming to have a screenshot of Ronaldo’s boarding pass.
“But now I must return to Sargon IV to be debriefed by Emperor Zorax about my latest assignment on your planet. It will take me 10,000 of your Earth minutes to discuss the Frenkie de Jong saga alone’.
“I will return to your planet in five moons time when the transfer window re-opens. ‘Here we go,’ he saluted, before clambering inside the hypersleep chamber.
In related news, fellow journalist Gerard Romero has been sentenced to 50,000 cycles of hard labour on Asteroid 113Z for ‘excessive and unwarranted use’ of the phrase ‘Things are happening’ throughout the transfer window.
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