William Prunier, Les Battersby & Fred the Red arrive at Carrington for Ronaldo talks ​

Mick Hucknall's jetting in from the Bahamas this evening I'm told...


William Prunier, Les Battersby and Fred the Red have arrived at Manchester United’s Carrington training base for crunch talks with Cristiano Ronaldo.

The trio were summonsed at the 11th hour by United’s board as the club tries desperately to persuade the 5-time Balon d’Or winner to remain at Old Trafford.

Others present at the talks included Sir Alex Ferguson, Bryan Robson, Olly Murs, Michelle Keegan and Bez from the Happy Mondays.

BERGAMO, ITALY – NOVEMBER 02: Cristiano Ronaldo of Manchester United looks on during the UEFA Champions League group F match between Atalanta and Manchester United at Stadio di Bergamo on November 02, 2021 in Bergamo, Italy. (Photo by Emilio Andreoli/Getty Images)

Lovejoy actor Ian McShane joined the meeting via Zoom while on holiday in Benidorm.

Ronaldo is said to be a huge admirer of Prunier who many consider to be the greatest defender in United’s history.

The Portuguese is also close friends with Fred the Red and was even best man at the mascot’s wedding to Sutton United’s Jenny the Giraffe.


Meanwhile, Coronation Street scoundrel Battersby was drafted in after it emerged both he and Ronaldo were massive fans of the English rock band Status Quo.

‘Me and our Ronnie love a bit of the Quo’, Battersby told us.

‘I think it’s their ever-diversifying sound we most enjoy’.

‘And if United get relegated this season, Ronnie’s promised me we’ll record a cover of ‘Down Down’ together’.

Paddy Power News understands Sir Alex Ferguson entered the meeting while clutching the infamous‘flying boot’ he struck David Beckham with almost 20-years ago.

WIGAN, ENGLAND – MAY 13: Sir Alex Ferguson the manager of Manchester United and Cristiano Ronaldo celebrate after the Barclays Premier League match between Wigan Athletic and Manchester United at the JJB Stadium on May 13, 2009 in Wigan, England. (Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images)

Sources claim the legendary Scot kicked the boot straight into the mouth of Jorge Mendes before he could reveal his client’s intention to leave United this summer.

Club doctors worked tirelessly to remove the boot from Mendes’ mouth while Prunier, Battersby and Fred the Red attempted to persuade the 37-year-old to remain at the club.

‘My gut feeling is that he’ll stay’, Battersby told us after their heart-to-heart.

‘Well, he’ll have to, won’t he? No one else f**king wants to sign him’, laughed the mouthy Weatherfield skiver.

*Paddy Power’s breaking football news coverage is 100% fake news*

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