While new Man United boss Erik ten Hag has told reporters that Cristiano Ronaldo is staying put at Old Trafford, Paddy Power News understands that CR7 wants to sample a new football culture before hanging up his very expensive boots, with Germany, and more specifically Bayern Munich, being his preferred destination.
“Ronnie loves Germany and the people” a close mate of the Portuguese superstar told us, “He’s keen to close out his career in a pub league where he’s guaranteed at least one more league title to complete the set.”
And our source shockingly revealed about the changes the 37-year-old has made to appeal to the Bundesliga side,
“Cristiano has given up being vegan just so he can get used to the taste of bratwurst and sauerkraut. The other day he invited us round for a barbeque and he was cooking a 12 inch curly sausage.”
“We were all left speechless.”
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It looks like Ronaldo is pulling out all the stops to try to secure a move to the Bundesliga. Another close friend, who was also at the barbie, explained that;
“He’s so desperate to impress Bayern chiefs, he’s started listening to Rammstein, drinking steins of Bavarian Spring Water and sending the photos to Bayern exec Oliver Kahn, to show him how good he looks in traditional dress.”
Despite these efforts, the German giants have categorically stated that there’s no way they are prepared to meet his astronomical salary demands. Ronaldo, we were told, is convinced there’s a way around this.
“He’s already explained to Bayern bosses that he’s prepared to put his name to a new range of CR7 official lederhosen that they can knock out in the superstore” a club insider told us, “That will pay for his stay in Bavaria, even if it’s only for one season.”
“And he’s bombarding Oliver with voice notes of his rapidly-improving yodel – no one has the heart to tell him it’s more of an Austrian thing.”
Kahn is understood to remain doubtful;
“Oliver reckons Cristiano is too old at 37,” a source close to the club explained,
“And he’s reluctant to have another beefcake heartthrob in the squad alongside Thomas Muller.
“Tommy would feel like his nose had been put out of joint – no pun intended – if Ronaldo rocked up in Munich, because his y-fronts range has been Bayern’s best-selling merch for the past five years.
“In truth, he’d be much happier if he f***ed off to PSG or back to Real Madrid.”
*Paddy Power’s breaking football news coverage is 100% fake news*
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