Antonio Conte is putting his Tottenham side through their preseason paces in a Squid Game-style training camp, Paddy Power News understands.
Fresh from puking their holes up after a gruelling first day of fitness training on day one of their Korean tour, Spurs stars are now being forced to endure the sadisitic whims of their coach in a tortuous series of games based on the hit TV show.
— talkSPORT (@talkSPORT) July 12, 2022
“When we asked where he wanted preseason training this summer he just asked ‘you’ve seen Squid Game, yes?'”, a source within the Tottenham hierarchy explained, “and then he broke into this deranged, wide-eyed laughter for a solid 10 minutes.”
The 52-year-old requested a 32-ft high replica of himself be constructed at the training complex in Seoul where Tottenham’s players are currently battling to the death to make the final 25-player panel for the upcoming season.
Perched atop the statue, the Italian coach has reportedly been overheard roaring “No red light, you lazy sh*ts! Green light all the time! Run, run, run!” while picking-off players with an air rifle who stumble and stagger during the relentless fitness drills.
And some have begun to question the wisdom of these methods.
“Eric Dier’s already said goodbye to the wife and kids,” we were told by one tearful employee of the club. “He falls over enough on his own – there’s no way he’s surviving this.”
While there are fears Harry Kane may have already dropped a “U up?” message to Pep Guardiola with a view to escaping the hell-on-earth of Conte’s preseason regime.
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Though it’s not all bad news for Tottenham fans, with Matt Doherty having picked up a knock during one exercise, prompting Spurs twitter to break into celebrations like they’d just made it to the League Cup final.
“Naming my newborn Antonio after this. Genius. #COYS” @whitecock_6061 announced following the news, while @DanTheLaneTHFC requested a special edition DVD of the training session be released by the club.
However, numerous players within the squad are not so keen on the manager’s methods.
Indeed, several made panicked calls to their agents begging them to make up any bullsh*t transfer rumour just to avoid flying to Korea as word circulated about the planned preseason itinerary.
“Look at Tanguy Ndombele, sitting on his a*se at home waiting for a move while I’m drinking my own p*ss and trying to fend off Davinson Sanchez’s crew of youth team players with a chair just to get a f**king night’s sleep,” a squad member reportedly raged during one particularly intense 24-lap drill before breakfast.
And the Tottenham chief needs to ensure enough of his squad survive the training camp to register a squad for the upcoming campaign.
“Antonio knows Daniel Levy would rather scrape the remains of Harry Winks from the floor of the tug-of-war pit and start them as a central midfielder than pay for anyone else, so he should go easier on them once he’s whittled the squad down a bit,” we were told.
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