Cristiano Ronaldo has glued himself to a plane in a protest over Manchester United’s request that he report for pre-season training.
The 37-year-old climbed onto the roof of a Munich-bound plane and attached himself to the passenger jet using superglue.
Eyewitnesses claim the five-times Balon d’Or winner slathered himself in a powerful adhesive before executing his trademark celebration while shouting ‘GLLLUUUUUUUUUUUE’.
Emergency services were called to the scene where they spent several hours attempting to prise Ronaldo’s body off the aircraft.
‘The thought of Europa League away trips to Latvia, Quahog and Mordor was too much to bear’, Ronaldo told Paddy Power News.
‘And signing a fourth left-back wasn’t exactly the sort of summer recruitment I’d hoped for’.
‘I tried to tell John Murtough and Richard Arnold I wanted to leave but they stuck their fingers in their ears and said ‘Lalalalala’ like Harry and Lloyd in the Dumb & Dumber movie’.
‘I’ll go to Bayern. I’ll even take the number nine shirt at Chelsea’.
‘They drove me to this’, he yelled, as firemen yanked at the striker’s arms.
Meanwhile, sources within the United dressing room welcomed Ronaldo’s departure claiming it would ‘liberate’ the players.
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‘We’d finally be able to express ourselves again’, said one leak.
‘Some of lads felt Ronaldo was too demanding’.
‘The way he behaved, it’s almost as if scrapping it out with West Ham for a Europa Conference spot was beneath him’.
*Paddy Power’s breaking football news coverage is 100% fake news*
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