Man United announce £11m signing of cheque made payable to Glazers ​

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Manchester United have announced the signing of a big fat cheque made payable to the Glazer family.

The cheque, worth £11m, is United’s first summer signing and will bolster the Glazers’ finances ahead of the new season.

In a statement, the club said: “Manchester United is delighted to confirm that the club has successfully completed the bank transfer of £11m into the Glazer family’s pockets, subject to a medical’.

NEW YORK, NY – AUGUST 10: In this handout photo provided by the NYSE Euronext, Manchester United Executives Joel Glazer (R) and Avram Glazer (C) arrive to ring the Opening Bell at the New York Stock Exchange on August 10, 2012 in New York City. Manchester United shares started trading at USD 14.05 at the opening of the New York Stock Exchange. (Photo Dario Cantatore/Getty Images via NYSE Euronext)

‘We’d like to wish the £11m all the best for the future in a Floridian bank vault’.

Manchester United fans who are eager to see how their team would fare in the Championship welcomed the news.

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‘Bolstering our threadbare midfield would only throw a spanner in works if we’re serious about playing in the second tier of English football’, Andy Duckworth, editor of United fanzine The Spirit of Djemba Djemba, told Paddy Power News.

‘But spunking the club’s money on shareholder dividends ensures we’ll be contesting relegation six-pointers with Bournemouth this season’.

Andy admits United fans are keen to see if a 40-year-old Cristiano Ronaldo could do it on a wet Wednesday night in Stoke.

‘Seeing Ronnie ‘Siuuu’ after scoring a late consolation goal in a 5-1 defeat at the Britannia Stadium would really be the stuff dreams are made of’.

BERGAMO, ITALY – NOVEMBER 02: Cristiano Ronaldo of Manchester United looks on during the UEFA Champions League group F match between Atalanta and Manchester United at Stadio di Bergamo on November 02, 2021 in Bergamo, Italy. (Photo by Emilio Andreoli/Getty Images)

In related news, United have submitted a bid to sign Ajax football club.

‘This is quicker than making individual bids for every Ajax member of staff and player’, United CEO Richard Arnold told some punters down his local.

‘Can we have Ten Hag? Can we have Van der Gaag? Can we have Timber? Can we have Anthony? Can we have De Jong? Can we have De Ligt? You know what, f**k it, we’ll take the lot’.

‘And your stadium. Old Trafford’s being held together with bird sh*t’.

*Paddy Power’s breaking football news coverage is 100% fake news*

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