England boss Gareth Southgate was seen ordering a pint of wine after his side slumped to their worst home defeat since 1928.
The 51-year-old was drowning his sorrows in a Wolverhampton boozer after England’s 4-0 Nations League defeat to Hungary.
Eyewitnesses claim Southgate necked pints of wine while repeatedly playing Atomic Kitten’s ‘Whole Again’ on the jukebox and sobbing uncontrollably.
‘Gareth walked straight up to the bar and asked for a Big Sam Special’, one onlooker told Paddy Power News.
‘The barman just nodded and filled a pint glass with Sauvignon Blanc’.
‘Gareth hogged the jukebox all night and played ‘Whole Again’ on loop. If anyone tried to play a different song Gareth got emotional and threw a pickled egg at them’.
‘Any time anyone sat near him at the bar he asked them if they were born in England and if they could play left full-back’.
WOLVERHAMPTON, ENGLAND – JUNE 14: Adam Szalai of Hungary celebrates with the corner flag after their sides victory during the UEFA Nations League – League A Group 3 match between England and Hungary at Molineux on June 14, 2022 in Wolverhampton, England. (Photo by Catherine Ivill/Getty Images)
‘He stayed until closing and then staggered up the road with a mixed kebab on chips singing ‘I’m coming home, I’m coming home’.
Meanwhile, it’s understood the FA are drawing up a shortlist of potential replacements for Southgate including Harry Redknapp, Mike Bassett and some lad who won the World Cup with England on the PC game Football Manager.
‘The 16-year-old lad who won the 2030 World Cup on a football management simulation video game is the frontrunner’, an FA source told Paddy Power News.
‘The FA are particularly impressed that he was able to win the Champions League with Shrewsbury Town while studying for his GCSEs’.
NEW TO PADDY POWER NEWS?
‘If they can’t convince him to leave school, then they’ll turn their attention to Mike Bassett’.
In related news, the British tabloids have finally decided upon which root vegetable they will digitally impose on Southgate’s head.
‘Although there was some support for a parsnip, the overwhelming choice was a horseradish’, a redtop spokesperson told Paddy Power News.
*Paddy Power News breaking coverage is 100% fake news – honest*
READ MORE
- Transfer Shock: Liverpool ditch Nunez move after Tom Grennan Soccer Aid strike
- England’s Nations League matches hailed by Insomnia Awareness group
- Vieira accepts Big Dunc’s Hell in a Cell Challenge after Goodison clash
- Gareth Southgate Special Bets: Paddy’s markets on under pressure England boss