Liverpool confirm ‘no refunds’ on bus rental following cups parade ​

Got a bus, may as well use it

Liverpool have confirmed there was a no refunds clause on their bus rental for their potential Quadruple parade.

The Reds went ahead with their celebratory tour around the city despite losing the Champions League final less than 24 hours earlier to Real Madrid and Man City taking the Premier League title.

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“No one read the small print,” we were told by a source close to the club.

“Michael Edwards is half-way out the door, Jurgen just loved the idea of driving a bus around for the craic anyway, while the club admin department are spending most of their time trying to neg Mo Salah into signing a new contract.

“‘You’ll be letting a lot of people down Mo if you leave for nothing’, ‘We had faith in you when Chelsea binned you off Mo’, ‘Maybe you’d like a chat with Phil Coutinho about the grass being greener – we’ve got his number Mo,’ that kind of thing.”

“You can understand how it happens – though at least we had time to paint over the Champions League and Premier League trophies on the front.”

The oversight meant the club went ahead with the trophy parade despite their end of season falling flatter than an edge-of-the-box effort from Naby Keita under absolutely no pressure at all.

“The players made the best of it,” we were told. “Sadio Mane managed to raise a smile before going back to his phone to read the terms of his contract with Bayern.”

“Mo had a good time too despite barely sleeping due to Thibaut Courtois stealing his soul in his dreams.”

“Though Trent was upset when he switched off for just a minute and someone stole in around the back of him to grab the last cocktail sausage,”

The deflated atmosphere among the players did not affect manager Jurgen Klopp though, who delivered a stirring speech to his team for the reversal against Madrid.

“Look, lads, it’s not the outcome we wanted this season, but we have done so well to get this far, there are so many positives to take from it – like this hilarious spinning bow-tie that makes a funny noise when I press a button!”

The manager then proceeded to set the comedy tie spinning as he went around the upper deck of the bus shaking every player’s hand using a concealed buzzer in a desperate bid to lighten the mood.

“That got the party going, and James Milner chimed in with a few yarns about clearing fluff from the filter in his washer dryer and some of his best discoveries in the discounted section of his local Aldi.”

“In fact, everyone had such a good time even a live-via-Zoom private performance by Camila Cabello couldn’t ruin the atmosphere,” we were told.

Liverpool’s international players now head off to represent their countries before taking a three-day break before getting back into pre-season training for the 2022-23 season.

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