Mark Noble to set up cleaning firm after West Ham farewell ​

It's a catchy name tbf.


Outgoing West Ham captain Mark Noble has today confirmed the launch of his brand-new cleaning business.

Following his emotional farewell against Manchester City last Sunday, the man known as Mr West Ham who spent 18 years sweeping up Premier League changing rooms, has confirmed he is now to become a TikTok cleanfluencer known as Captain Clean, specialising in commercial, residential, and domestic properties around the east end.

“I’m delighted to see him replace his boots for marigolds because he now gets the chance to do what he truly loves all day every day. Sweeping things up,” confirmed a source close to the player.

“Have you ever noticed how much he brushes his hair back? That’s all part of the cleaning game. The number of brushes and products he’s accumulated over the years that he used on his hair which he can now put to good use in his new Captain Clean venture is brilliant. It is almost like he was planning it all along.


“He’s even taken on Declan Rice as an apprentice who will be helping him out on Sundays, which again shows you the sort of leader he is, willing to take on and train up a kid in this challenging economic climate.”

Despite Noble likely appearing for his boyhood club for one final time away at Brighton on Sunday, the 35-year-old is understood to be keen to get his new business off to a flying start with jobs booked in for Monday and Tuesday.

The unedited Facebook post reads: “Guys, I will never forget the support you’ve given me during my football career, but what would be even better is if you could like and share my new business page and follow me on TikTok.

“We are a brand-new cleaning business covering postcodes E1 to E20 offering the best rates and brilliant service.

“We’ve got Rob Green and Shaka Hislop starting with us on Monday. They were good for a clean sheet back in the day so should be able to deliver a clean bathroom.

“Fully booked Monday and Tuesday. Available from Wednesday so please get in touch.

“Additional fees apply for work outside of E postcodes. London preferably. Will not go up north.”


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