Everton players must undergo random on-the-spot ‘b*llock checks’ before games, boss Frank Lampard has revealed.
It comes in the wake of Sunday’s FA Cup quarter-final defeat at Selhurst Park where the Toffees were beaten 4-0 by Crystal Palace.
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After it emerged several players had left their testicles on the team bus, a furious Lampard informed the squad they’d be subjected to mandatory checks before future games.
‘You shouldn’t need to be reminded to bring your b*llocks at this level,’ Lampard told Paddy Power News.
‘The last thing I said before we got off the bus was “lads, don’t forget your b*llocks”.
‘Clearly some of them couldn’t hear me because they had those unnecessarily large headphones on.
‘At half-time we were 2-0 down and I asked the players to show some b*llocks on the pitch. That’s when they admitted they didn’t have any.
‘So, from now until the end of the season, we’ll be asking to see proof of b*llocks before games.
‘Anyone who turns up on match day without their two veg will be dropped from the squad and fined a month’s wages.’
The Everton manager revealed how former boss Jose Mourinho ensured his players always brought their b*llocks to matches.
‘When I was a Chelsea player, I always remember Jose telling us to keep our b*llocks in our little Louis Vuitton man-bags when travelling to games,’ he added.
‘It’s that kind of attention to detail that set Jose out of from the rest.’
The 43-year-old also let slip that all random b*llock checks will be carried out by his assistant Duncan Ferguson.
‘Duncan’s the proud owner of five testicles and he’s never forgotten to bring one of them to a game in his career,’ Lampard told Paddy Power News.
‘I’ve seen him offering to lend certain players a b*llock or two before games.
‘One time he offered the entire first-team his spine. That’s the type of man he is.
‘But it’s time to stop the mollycoddling’.
*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% fake news, and that’s the truth – honest*
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