Man United next manager: Club “blown away” by Pochettino consistent failure at PSG ​

He's clearly the right man for the job


PSG manager Mauricio Pochettino is said to be in “pole position” for the permanent Manchester United manager job this summer following his current’ club’s shambolic exit from the Champions League, Paddy Power News can reveal.

A source within Old Trafford has told of how owner Joel Glazer was “blown away” by the Parisians capitulation to a Real Madrid team running on memories of five years ago and the remarkable durability of Luka Modric’s man-child body.

It follows PSG’s failure to win Ligue 1 last season despite owning a number of players who are worth more than the rest of the league combined and their defeat to Man City in the semi-finals of the Champions League.

“Joel’s in Florida and couldn’t wait to see one of the most expensively assembled sides in history suffering yet another failure – and once he’d finished watching the recorded coverage of Man City trouncing United at the weekend he switched straight over to see how Poch was faring with PSG.

“Boy, was he impressed!

“It takes a true genius to combine the talents of Messi, Neymar and Mbappe in one team and still sh*t the bed from 2-0 with half an hour to go.

“Can you imagine the sh*tshow he could create with Ronaldo, Pogba and Maguire?”

And there was more good news for United following the result, with the Argentine now likely to be sacked before the end of the season according to many observers.

“The great thing about hiring a manager who consistently fails – no need to pay-off his current club!

“Those millions saved can go towards something more useful, like a signing on bonus for Paul Pogba when he inks a £650,000-per-week extension, an expanded writing staff for the Player Apology Department, or a new wing on Joel’s poodle’s doghouse.”

Soccer Football – Champions League – Group Stage – Group H – Manchester United v Valencia – Old Trafford, Manchester, Britain – October 2, 2018 General view inside the stadium before the match REUTERS/Phil Noble

Pochettino’s resurgence comes after United have been heavily linked with Ajax manager Erik Ten Hag, with the Dutchman set to lead his side into the quarter-finals of the Champions League.

Though an Amsterdam source claims PSG’s collapse could inspire Ten Hag to pull a similar stunning slip-up to prove he’s the man for the United job.

“Erik thought he’d be nailed on for United if they want a bottler after f**king up versus Spurs in 2018.

“They lost to Spurs! In a semi-final!

“But if that’s not enough, don’t be surprised to see Sebastien Haller start in goals next week v Benfica.”

Meanwhile, PSG’s last-16 defeat adds to the uncertainty facing the French club as they head into next season, with Kylian Mbappe likely to depart as his contract expires, Messi checking Whatsapp every two minutes waiting for Xavi to ask him to come back to Barcelona and Neymar revealing he has many more sisters whose birthdays he’ll have to disappear off to for weeks on end.

“It seems he has a much larger family than we thought,” a source told us. “364 different sisters in fact, all born on different days. And a half-sister for leap years.

“I wouldn’t expect to see him back in Paris til at least 2028.”

*Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% fake news, and that’s the truth – honest*


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