Manchester United have signed a lucrative new sponsorship deal with the world’s biggest clog manufacturer as rumours linking Dutch coach Erik ten Hag with a summer move to Old Trafford escalate.
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“Manchester United are delighted to welcome Clog World to the Old Trafford family” declared new CEO Richard Arnold on Thursday.
“This club is as passionate about clog manufacturing as we are about mattress making, noodle production and Bulgarian tractor technology,” he said. “We hope this partnership is just the start of an exciting new journey, every step of which will be accompanied by a funny clippity-clop sound.”
As part of the deal it was confirmed United’s players will also wear clogs for at least one game per season over the course of the contract.
“We expect it to have minimal impact on performances as we’re quite sh*te already,” Arnold said.
And a spokesman for Clog World said, “Working together, our aim is to play a vital part in helping United cut the points deficit between themselves and Manchester City to at least 30 by the end of season 2024-25.”
This new agreement has only heightened speculation that current Ajax boss Erik ten Hag is on a shortlist of one to replace Ralph Rangnick in the Old Trafford hot-seat at the end of the current campaign. However, things haven’t got off to the best of starts, as a source within the club explained.
“Cavani’s injured again and will miss the derby on Sunday. He was playing a game of keepy-uppy with Pogba after training, wearing those bloody clogs and he turned his ankle.
“We specifically told the lads to leave them in their boxes as the Megastore want to put them on 85% off sale on Monday cos no one’s going to want to wear f**king clogs.”
“If they wanted to impress Ten Hag they should’ve planted a field of tulips next to Carrington, or made the first team travel to training on those silly bikes with the baskets. Maybe cause a few arguments in telephone boxes as well, the Dutch lads love doing that.”
However, the charm offensive to secure the services of the 52-year-old Dutchman seems to be working.
Reports suggest Ten Hag is receiving English lessons from former United Assistant Coach Steve McClaren, as a return favour after Ten Hag helped the ex-England boss perfect his amazing accent when he got the gig at FC Twente back in 2008.
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