Zlatan: ‘No one told me Christmas is all Lynx Africa gift sets after 40′

Just what I wanted!


Zlatan Ibrahimovic has expressed his ‘shock and dismay’ after receiving a 3-pack of socks and a Lynx Africa set for Christmas.

Paddy Power News understands the 40-year-old star broke down in tears when presented with the cheap perfunctory gifts.

The giddy AC Milan striker rose at 5.30am on Christmas morning expecting to be lavished with designer clobber and state-of-the-art technological devices by his family.

However, the robed Swede was flabbergasted to find a 3-pack of novelty socks and a foul-smelling body spray gift set underneath the tree instead.

‘F**king Star Wars socks and a £2.49 Lynx Africa set??? Hardly worth getting out of bed for, man’, Zlatan told Paddy Power News.

‘They could’ve at least peeled the price tags off!’.

‘Christmas mornings used to be about Xboxes, i-Phones and Gucci sliders. But as soon as you hit your 40s, people just stop putting the effort in’.

The disappointing experience has left the former Manchester United hitman with a rather grim outlook on the festive season as a whole.

‘It’s the same aul sh*te every year’, he moaned while swigging from a bottle of Shloer white grape.

‘Watching Home Alone for the one-millionth time with all the relatives you try your best to avoid the other 364 days a year’.

MILAN, ITALY – JANUARY 28: Zlatan Ibrahimovic of AC Milan celebrates his goal during the Coppa Italia Quarter Final match between AC Milan and Torino at San Siro on January 28, 2020 in Milan, Italy. (Photo by Marco Luzzani/Getty Images)

‘Everyone wearing ridiculous jumpers and throwing Quality Street down their necks while a Brussel sprout fart-cloud hangs in the atmosphere like a layer of smog’.

The uninspiring gifts have led Zlatan to ponder whether he’ll even bother getting out of bed at all next year.

‘I might just lie on’, he muttered while struggling to unbox a child’s toy.

‘Lazy, unimaginative b*stards the lot of them’.

When asked what he bought his friends and family for Christmas, Zlatan told us ‘Yankee Candles’.

In related news, the forward is considering a second international retirement citing a desire to spend more time with his ego.


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