Arsenal manager Mikel Arteta has named Gunnersaurus their new club captain following a disciplinary breach by Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang.
The large green mascot was unveiled at a press conference earlier today alongside the Gooners boss, who waxed lyrical about his new skipper.
Like Paddy Power News? Or maybe you just like to whinge? Tell us what you think in our reader survey
‘Gunny is a big presence in the dressing room and a great motivator,’ said the Spaniard.
‘All of the lads really look up to him. At 65 million years old he’s got bags of experience’.
‘In what has become a club tradition, we’ve tied Gunny down to a long-term contract on a hefty salary rendering him practically unsellable’.
When asked if handing the Arsenal captaincy to a middle-aged man inside a dinosaur costume was the best move, Arteta snapped:
‘Could he be any worse than William Gallas or Granit Xhaka? People need to trust the process – even when that process involves giving the armband to a green anthropomorphic tyrannosaurus rex with zero footballing ability’.
It was then Gunnersaurus’ turn to face the media, with one hack asking if he’d spoken to Aubameyang since assuming his role as captain.
‘I haven’t seen Auba today. Apparently, he’s having his nipples pierced and is running a tad late’, said a barely audible muffled male voice from inside the dinosaur costume.
‘But when I see him I’ll extend my claw and hope that he shakes it’.
As news of the announcement broke, Gunnersaurus was inundated with messages of support from colleagues around the Premier League.
‘Well done, big man. From redundancy to redemption. You deserve it’, tweeted Norwich City mascot Captain Canary.
‘Can’t believe you’re Arsenal’s new captain and I’m still stuck outside Falmer Stadium posing for selfies and nicking chips. All the best mate’, wrote Brighton & Hove Albion mascot Gully the Seagull.
‘How come you’ve been made skipper and I can’t even get a runout in defensive midfield ahead of McFred?’, Manchester United’s mascot Fred the Red wondered.
** Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% fake news… except the stuff about Arsenal being sh*t, that’s all true **
- Champions League Draw: UEFA to organise raffle for blue Rover 213
- Bloke repeatedly mentions Damon Hill in effort to prove his F1 knowledge
- Breaking News: Mike Dean revealed as I’m A Celebrity late arrival
- Liverpool v Aston Villa: Gerrard Anfield return sees half-&-half scarf surge
- Score your Football betting tips and previews at Paddy Power News