Exclusive: Man United to start 2-0 down versus Liverpool ​

Could just start Victor Lindelof - same difference


Manchester United manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has requested that his side start 2-0 down at Old Trafford versus Liverpool on Sunday, Paddy Power News can exclusively reveal.

In a bid to get his star-studded squad to wake the f**k up, the United manager has requested that his side kick-off at a massive, seemingly insurmountable deficit against their bitterest rivals following several stirring fightbacks in recent weeks.


“Like I always say, we like to make things as difficult at this club,” he joked in Friday’s pre-match press conference.

“Look at how many minutes Fred’s played if you don’t believe me!”

“And why’d you think I’m keeping Harry Maguire in the team on one leg? David de Gea’s still in goals for a reason too – cos he’ll chuck one in when you least expect it.

“But against Liverpool we just can’t wait around to balls up – the lads need a full 90 minutes to get their fingers out – so I’ve asked the Premier League to give Liverpool a headstart this Sunday.”

Though initially confused, the league office is said to have agreed to the request.

“Usually we ask them to sort out a penalty or two for us, so you can understand the confusion. But they’ve guaranteed us that, if we need any help late on, the ref will still know what to do.”

Asked whether he thought it was wise to start such a huge game at this massive disadvantage, Solskjaer said he had the club’s full backing:

“Naturally everyone here knows we start every game at a disadvantage because I’m the manager, but I discussed this with Sir Alex, and he’s fully on-board with it as a motivational tactic.”

“After all, he did sign Djemba-Djemba just to make Darren Fletcher look better, so he does understand the psychology of going one step back to go two steps forward.”

However, Whatsapp messages seen by Paddy Power News apparently sent by the former United manager to his new best friend forever Khabib Nurmagomedov have subsequently cast doubt on his support for the move.

“Can you believe this champ? 2 free goals to Liverpool! I wouldn’t give em a 4 quid Merlot from Tesco,” Alex F sent to the 33-year-old MMA bruiser, who replied with seven laugh-crying emojis.

“Ronaldo on the bench, now this. I’m beginning to think our woefully underqualified manager is woefully underqualified,” followed by an eyes emoji.

He then said next time Khabib visited Manchester he could deliver “a hairdryer” team talk to the squad. “Ole won’t mind – and if he does, I’ll have him clean out the gutters and tidy his room as punishment.”

Though there is positivity about Solskjaer’s approach among many hardcore United fans.

“Winning trophies is great, but there’s nothing better than fighting back to beat middling European sides with a squad that’s cost the GDP of a small country,” said Mike Brown of the Man United Group Supporters (MUGS). “That’s what Ole’s bringing.”

“And the smile’s back on everyone’s face at Old Trafford – at least until we get spanked by the scousers.”

“But I’ve got my green and gold scarf dry-cleaned and ready for that.”

**Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is 100% fake news. And that’s the truth.**


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