The hierarchy at Manchester City have been left gobsmacked after an in-house survey revealed 89% of their existing fanbase have already purchased a Newcastle United shirt with a view to jumping ship the minute on-field success reaches St James Park.
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With the survey initially conducted by the Manchester City marketing team to learn more about the interests of their supporters, senior staff are understood to be angered at the results, accusing fans of showing a “severe” lack of loyalty to a club which has offered them eight whole years of success.
“To say we are disappointed is an understatement. We worked around the clock to steal these supporters from Chelsea when we won our first title back in 2012, and they can’t even be bothered to stick around.
“They are a disgrace and not real football fans,” said an anonymous source.
Having owon the title of “rich owners with zero integrity” from Chelsea over 10 years ago, City chiefs are saddened to be handing it over to Newcastle so soon, a club which will make the blue half of Manchester look like street peasants they’re going to be so filthy rich.
They’re expected to outbid City in every transfer scenario in the foreseeable future, leaving everybody associated with the club nervous of what the future could hold.
Paddy Power News managed to speak to life-long City fan Bertie Magoo, who had this to say on the subject.
“If we aren’t the richest club in England, then what are we?”
“All that money made up for the fact we have zero charisma and very few fans… and those b*stards have now decided to support Newcastle.
“It’s very upsetting that all our success has been purchased by our Sugar Daddy owner, and now those f*cking barcodes have a richer, sugarier Daddy.
“Just as we were getting used to success it has been ripped away from us by a bunch of lads who dress like they work part-time in FootLocker.”
According to Twitter sources, a Manchester City social media influencer known as @TrickyFodenSZN, real name Lucy James, 15 years old from Stockport, has already changed her handle to @TrickySaintMaximinSZN, which could be a devastating blow to the club’s online presence and social media success.
With life looking bleak in Manchester, the same cannot be said on Tyneside where fans have been partying for five days straight, celebrating the new ownership of a club they adore and a possible return of the glory days of the mid-90s, when they won the race to sign Alan Shearer ahead of Manchester United, spent a few weeks at the top of the league under Kevin Keegan and lost a couple of FA Cup finals.
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