Kane keen on Sheriff January move despite not knowing where they’re from ​

They are in the Champions League - unlike, say, Spurs


The Harry Kane’s Spurs exit saga has taken another dramatic twist with the England captain now refusing to rule out a move to Moldovan giants FC Sheriff in January.

The minnows shocked the football world this week when they beat Spanish giants Real Madrid 2-1 at the Santiago Bernabeu and the club now fancies itself as a major player in the transfer market.


“We proved on Tuesday that we can beat the best on the pitch, so what stops us being able to compete with the big boys in the transfer market?” a club spokesman told us.

“Kane is a player that anybody would want in their team and we don’t understand why he stays at a club like Spurs who aren’t even in a European competition – do not make me laugh at the Europa Conference.

“We can promise him the league title every year because there’s only two teams in the Moldovan top-flight and the other one is like Tottenham… rubbish.”

Harry Kane Tottenham Europa LeagueMaccabi Haifa October 1, 2020

The 28-year-old, who has reportedly been left frustrated and disillusioned by just how s**t Spurs has become, is doing all he can to get away as quickly as possible.

“We watched their game against Real Madrid together on Tuesday night,” a close confidant of the Spurs striker said, “And Harry was well impressed. He thinks they could become the best club side in the world over the next few years.

“Now he just needs to find it on a map.”

“Harry’s 28 now and his medals cabinet is about as full as The Etihad. A player of his quality needs to have something to show for all his hard work, and with only two teams in the league over there, even he surely couldn’t fail to pick up silverware and play in the Champions League every season.”

When we suggested that he could do all the above things just by heading north of the border to join Rangers or Celtic, his mate told us of another bizarre reason why the Three Lions skipper is considering a move to Moldova.

“He’s always been a big fan of the city of Sheffield – the music, the snooker, the ale – but he couldn’t go to United or Wednesday because they’re both crap, and Sheriff sounds a bit like Sheffield, especially when your tongue’s too big for your mouth…”

We also tracked down his agent, Charlie Kane, who dropped a big hint that the player, who’s currently valued at over 100 million quid, could snub Pep Guardiola and any of Europe’s megaclubs in favour of, er… Yuriy Mykolayovych Vernydub (worth a thousand points at scrabble, we’ve checked) by explaining that:

“Harry loves bread making, he got into it during lockdown and Bake Off’s his favourite show after Pointless.

“We know that the company that bankrolls Sheriff owns two major bread factories in Moldova. I’m not saying that it would be a dealbreaker, but it has given him food for thought.”

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