Man United to launch pay-per-view Cristiano Ronaldo asleep channel ​

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Manchester United has today circulated a press release announcing a new pay per view channel which offers exclusive behind the scenes access to Cristiano Ronaldo.

Following the release of their financial results on Friday, United are keen to cash-in on their most valuable asset by allowing fans from all over the globe the opportunity to pay for the chance to see Cristiano do things such as sleep, shower, shave, clean his teeth and use the toilet.


Having benefitted from substantial success of their own television channel MUTV, which was launched in 1998, the digital team at Old Trafford believe live access of the Portuguese superstar will earn the club billions in revenue whilst keeping fans happy.

“Ronny-Cam is going to be spectacular and I for one cannot wait to see if he sleeps like a baby or is one of those annoying people who tosses and turns all night” confirmed Giles Sweeney, head of intrusive content at the club.

“And everyone wants to know if he’s a snorer, right?”

“Let’s face it, millions will tune in to see him get Original Source Mint in the wrong places, which special teeth-whitening toothpaste he uses and if he’s of an age where he can’t go a whole night without using the can. This is going to revolutionise the world of online influencing.

“We understand he begins each day by jumping out of his bed and shouting SIIIIIUUUU, as well as hides a secret stash of Coca Cola in his wardrobe which he absolutely hammers on those unique days he doesn’t score a goal; however, that is unconfirmed and something we could all find out together. Exciting.”

At a cool £29.99 per hour, coverage will be live from 9pm which is believed to be when Ronaldo begins his night-time ritual, through to 8am which is when he aims to leave his house.

There will be 132 cameras positioned at a variety of angles within his bedroom and en-suite, giving viewers the chance to pick which angle they want to look at the thirty-six-year-old while he goes about his business.

If Ronny-Cam proves to be a success, Paddy Power News understands United will approach former striker Wayne Rooney about launching Roo-cam immediately under a new leadership team headed-up by Colleen Rooney.

Within Old Trafford the belief is that the situations Wayne continues to find himself in would deliver record-breaking viewing figures.

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