Bruno Fernandes opens court proceedings with VAR over expected loss of goals ​

Move aside Wagatha Christie, this could be the court case of the year.

Bruno Fernandes


Following the latest Premier League announcement confirming a U-turn on VAR having the power to award soft free-kicks and penalties, the legal team of Manchester United star Bruno Fernandes have confirmed court proceedings to protect their client are underway.

Fernandes, who is understood to be lying on his front room floor, holding his shin, and crying at the news, has been the recipient of several questionable VAR decisions over the past 18 months, with 97 per cent of his influence on football matches directly related to decisions made by the officials in the VAR room.

A representative of the Portuguese said: “Whether it be a winning a dodgy penalty decision, rolling around despite no contact, or getting to retake a set-piece if he messed up the first time, VAR has always been there to make Bruno look like a Premier League superstar.

“This has now been unfairly taken away from him. We will fight this to the death, as the loss of assists, loss of goals, loss of Fantasy Football points and loss of influence will ultimately reveal him to be the Portuguese Harry Winks.

“We cannot allow VAR to damage our client in this manner so therefore will see them in the front of a judge very soon.”


A leading referee spoke to Paddy Power News about why this decision had been made and what it will mean for several delicate footballers next season.

“Our main concern is that certain players such as Bruno Fernandes, Mo Salah and Harry Kane would go down during the pre-match handshake, claiming their opponent had too tight a grip and hurt their hand,” they said. “VAR would do its thing, see the contact and it would put us in a difficult position. Teams could be down to nine men before kick-off.

“Last season, Bruno won a penalty due to too much eye contact. He claimed a defender looked at him aggressively, so he threw himself on the floor holding his eye. VAR checked it over and ultimately gave the penalty as there was enough eye contact involved for it to be a foul.

“This brand new change spells the end for this type of behaviour.

No longer will a gentle blow of wind or a delicate caress of the shoulder be enough to win a free-kick.

“A player will need to be absolutely clattered to get a decision.

“Next season you can expect Sunday league fourth division pub football, Razor Ruddock style, prime Keane vs Vieira kind of tackles.”

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