Breaking: Joe Hart fails Celtic medical over flaky scalp ​

Oh dear

Former England goalkeeper Joe Hart has failed a medical at Celtic after doctors spotted a recurrence of an old dandruff problem.

The 34-year-old was undergoing a routine medical exam ahead of the proposed move when doctors discovered he had an ‘itchy, flaky scalp’.


Hart was viewed as the solution to Celtic’s ongoing goalkeeping problems but now boss Ange Postecoglou has been left scratching his head.

Dr Steph O’Scope, who conducted the medical, told Paddy Power News:

‘After performing a medical examination on Mr Hart this morning, he was found be suffering from a bad case of dandruff’.

‘We recommended he switch to an anti-dandruff shampoo and should probably stop wearing black shirts’.

When asked if it was commonplace to check for dandruff during a medical, Dr Steph O’Scope said:

‘Oh yes. Any player that wants to join Celtic needs their head examined’.

The Tottenham Hotspur keeper has suffered with an itchy scalp throughout his playing career and this latest flare-up will come as a devastating blow.

‘I don’t see how he could come back from this’, former Bolton midfielder and dandruff sufferer Jason McAteer told Paddy Power News.

‘Joe’s probably switched brands thinking his dandruff days were behind him. My heart goes out to the lad’.

Meanwhile, Ange Postecoglou says Celtic will now focus their attention on alternative targets following the collapse of Hart’s move to Parkhead.

‘The board have been in touch with Massimo Taibi, René Higuita and ‘Monk’ from Mean Machine’.

‘Monk’s a Glasgow lad and would fit in well. The fact he’s doing 30 in a maximum security facility could make negotiations a little trickier’.

In related news, Celtic learned who they’ll be exiting the Europa League at the hands of when they drew Czech outfit FK Jablonec V last night.

‘F**k the Champions League, the Europa League song is way better anyway’, remarked Postecoglou.

**Paddy Power’s breaking news coverage is proudly 100% genuine fake news – if you believe this actually happened, we’ve some magic beans to sell you…**


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