England fan saves ‘won’t make it in’ message to drafts ​

Planning ahead


An England fan is drafting his sixth ‘sorry, won’t make it in today’ text of the Euros, it has emerged.

David Skinner is plotting yet another sickie as Gareth Southgate’s side look to reach the final of a major tournament for the first time since 1966.

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The sales assistant has maintained a 100% non-attendance record at work on days which have followed England’s games during EURO 2020.

In-form Skinner has smashed his previous record of 5 no-shows during England’s run to the 2018 World Cup semi-finals.

And with another evening of launching plastic pint glasses in the air imminent, the 23-year-old is taking the pre-emptive step of saving his latest pathetic excuse to drafts.

‘Best typing this now while I’m sober’, Skinner told Paddy Power News.

‘Don’t want it riddled with spelling and grammatical errors otherwise the boss might smell a rat’.

Having used a range of excuses including car trouble and loose bowel movements, Skinner admits he’ll have to get creative this time.

‘After the Germany game I told the boss I had a burst pipe in the gaff. That was tricky because we share a flat which I deliberately had to flood before he arrived home’.

‘When we beat Ukraine, I told him I took my solar-powered scooter for the commute but on the way there was an eclipse’.

‘I’ve narrowed tomorrow’s excuse down to a choice of two: snowed in or alien abduction’.

‘Though I’ll probably keep the one involving aliens for the final’, he revealed.

LONDON, ENGLAND – JUNE 29: Fans of England celebrate their side’s victory after the UEFA Euro 2020 Championship Round of 16 match between England and Germany at Wembley Stadium on June 29, 2021 in London, England. (Photo by Matthew Childs – Pool/Getty Images)

However, unbeknownst to David, his boss had his own plans for England’s upcoming games.

‘As a reward for their hard work during the Euros, I’ve decided to give all my staff the rest of the week off’.

‘Except that skiving f**ker David, who’ll be manning the ship on his own’.

When asked when he planned to break the news to David, the shift supervisor said:

‘I’ll tell him later on at the fan park’.


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