Breaking: Man United pull off shock Sancho swoop ​

Just like that


Manchester United stunned the football world last night when they pulled off a surprise swoop for Borussia Dortmund winger Jadon Sancho.

A United delegation met with Dortmund chairman Hans-Joachim Watzke at a secret location to thrash out a deal for the England star.

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The Old Trafford outfit have been praised for their handling of the transfer, particularly the swiftness of the negotiations and how they managed to keep the whole thing under the radar.

In a statement on the club’s official website, CEO Ed Woodward said:

‘We’re pleased to announce the signing of Jadon Sancho – bet you didn’t see that one coming’.

‘I’ve still got it, baby. It never left me’, added the 49-year-old.

Sancho admits the move has come as a complete surprise as he prepares to sit on the bench for England’s EURO 2020 quarter-final clash against the Ukraine.

‘I’m gobsmacked like the rest of you. This is totally out of the blue’, the 21-year-old told Paddy Power News.

‘It’s a lot to take in. If only United had made their interest known sooner, I might’ve mentally prepared myself for such a scenario’.

Soccer Football – Champions League – Group Stage – Group H – Manchester United v Valencia – Old Trafford, Manchester, Britain – October 2, 2018 General view inside the stadium before the match REUTERS/Phil Noble


‘You have to admire the covert manner in which both United and Dortmund conducted the negotiations. It’s enabled me to concentrate fully on my football’.

The deal is subject to Sancho passing a medical which is likely to be completed when United’s doctors are able to prise Phil Jones off the treatment table.

Meanwhile, United supporters admit they’ll be putting their green & gold scarves back in storage for another few months after the Glazers forked out £73m for the Dortmund forward.

‘They not a bad bunch of lads those Glazers, are they really?’, United die-hard Angus Hucknall told Paddy Power News.

‘They’ve always supported our managers in the transfer market, haven’t they?’.

‘They paid Alexis Sanchez £26m for 3 goals. That must’ve broke their hearts’, he added.

In related news, Sancho is sh*te now because he signed for United – that’s according to some lad on Twitter.

Despite calling for Gareth Southgate’s head for his refusal to include Sancho in his England starting line-up, the same lad has now decided the former Man City starlet is a waste of money.

‘Always said he was crap’, tweeted Chelsea fan Suggs Lovejoy, who as recently as Tuesday evening claimed Sancho’s continued omission would ultimately cost England any chance of Euro glory.

‘He’s just a Poundland Ruben Loftus-Cheek’, he added.


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