Arsenal and Spurs sign up to become Euro Super League whipping boys ​

Someone's got to do it


Arsenal and Tottenham have agreed to become the whipping boys of a new European Super League, it has emerged.

The London clubs released a joint statement in which they expressed their burning desire to provide the likes of Real Madrid, Barcelona and Inter Milan with an easy six points per season.

‘It’s with great pride we can confirm our role as whipping boys of a new competition, the European Super League’.

‘Having lost to European giants such as Olympiakos and Dinamo Zagreb this season, we feel we are ready to compete with the likes of Barcelona and Real Madrid on an annual basis’.

‘We are committed to shafting all stakeholders, particularly our supporters, as plans for the competition develop’.

Identifying themselves as part of England’s ‘big six’ clubs, Spurs and Arsenal currently occupy 7th and 9th place in their own domestic league.

Florentino Pérez, President Real Madrid CF and the first Chairman of the Super League, said:

‘Having Arsenal and Spurs in a European Super League is like having San Marino or Andorra in your World Cup Qualifying group’.

‘You know it’s six points in the bag, it’s just a question of how many goals you’ll score’.

‘These are the fixtures your strikers will be looking forward to the most or a morale-boosting type of game for the Donny van de Beeks of this world’.

Joel Glazer, Co-Chairman of Manchester United and Vice-Chairman of the Super League, said:

‘Inviting Arsenal and Tottenham to join this European Super League will ensure Manchester United will not finish bottom’.

‘As there will be no relegation from the new league, teams can relive the joy of beating Arsenal and Spurs over and over again’.

However, the move has been criticised as being driven purely by money, that’s according to former FIFA President Sepp Blatter.

‘This is not in the best interests of the sport I love’, said the man who gave the World Cup to Qatar.

‘It’s not usually the type of thing I’d encourage but I could be persuaded’, he winked.


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