Exclusive: Liverpool shift focus to retaining Net Spend league title

Who cares about winning the Premier League, eh? Net Spend is where it’s at!



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With Liverpool’s Premier League title defence now over, manager Jurgen Klopp has said his side must switch their attention to retaining the Net Spend League.

The Anfield club find themselves in 6th place and 13 points behind leaders Manchester City, who also have a game in hand. However, the Merseyside outfit are still in pole position to win a pointless table devised by Liverpool fans who are clutching at straws.

A defiant Klopp appeared on business and marketing channel Bloomberg last night and promised supporters his team would deliver the Net Spend title.

Jurgen Klopp Liverpool manager

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“Who cares about some Mickey Mouse competition like the Premier League?”, said the 53-year-old former Dortmund boss.

Everybody knows the Net Spend League is where it’s at.

“Sure, you could argue back-to-back English titles and automatic Champions League qualification is a great achievement – but does it compare with an internet meme full of selective financial information? I think not!

“One brief scroll through social media will tell you the difference between money earned from player sales and the money spent on new recruits is what matters most to our fans”, said the toothy German.

However, not everyone was convinced by Klopp’s supposed shift in priorities, with BBC Royal Correspondent Sir Nicolas Toff tweeting:

“I haven’t seen someone this worried about losing a title since Prince Harry”.

Meanwhile, a recent study has found that absolutely no one cares Manchester City are running away with the Premier League.

Research shows most football fans would be happy enough for Pep Guardiola’s side to romp it until the end of eternity – as long as it prevented the unbearable supporters of Liverpool and Manchester United from bragging about title wins in the workplace and on social media.

Head of Research at the Institute of Ridiculous Studies, Dr Steph O’Scope told Paddy Power News: “Test subjects claim a lifetime of City dominance is preferable to solitary summer of listening to Scousers and Mancs spout unadulterated drivel”.

“The fact you’re more likely to encounter Lord Lucan riding Shergar than you are a City fan also helps”.


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