Chelsea have sacked manager Thomas Tuchel after 18 minutes in charge, it has emerged.
Tuchel was appointed on a three-year contract when he replaced Frank Lampard at lunchtime on Monday.
However, the 47-year-old was dismissed after mistakenly parking his car in owner Roman Abramovich’s favoured spot outside Stamford Bridge.
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Tuchel leaves the club ninth in the Premier League having managed zero games during his 18-minute spell as boss.
In a statement, Chelsea said: ‘This has been a very difficult decision but the spot was clearly marked as reserved for Mr Abramovich’.
‘We are grateful to Thomas for what he achieved during his 18 minutes and 16 seconds at the helm.
‘But how he missed the sign I’ll never know. It was right in front of him, in big bloody letters ‘RESERVED FOR MR ABRAMOVICH’.
‘You let the manager park in Mr Abramovich’s spot, the next thing you know players will want to take a sh*t in Mr Abramovich’s toilet. Total anarchy’.
Meanwhile, Roman Abramovich said Tuchel’s dismissal will not tarnish his legacy as one of the most influential Chelsea managers during his reign as owner.
‘Thomas is a man of great integrity and has the highest of work ethics. However, he’s also the biggest parking space thief I’ve met in my life’, the Russian billionaire told Paddy Power News.
‘Thomas is probably the type of person who’d swoop in and nick a parking space you’d been waiting ages on at ASDA.’
‘Total sh*thouse’.
However, the club refused to comment on reports midfielder Mason Mount has been granted an extended period of compassionate leave as he struggles to come to terms with Lampard’s sacking.
Video footage emerged online of Mount breathing heavily into a brown paper bag outside Chelsea’s Cobham training ground after players were informed of the club’s decision.
In other news, scientists have predicted you’ll never be more than 6ft away from an ex-Chelsea manager by 2025.
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