NASA expects Sterling miss to re-enter earth’s atmosphere within 48 hours

No, it's not an alien spacecraft, it's just Sterling's miss circling the earth


NASA scientists have just provided an update on the status of Raheem Sterling’s stratospheric open-goal miss in Manchester City and Pep Guardiola’s latest Champions League knock-out stage flop.

Technicians at the space agency’s Houston headquarters have been tracking the England star’s wayward rocket since it left his boot in the closing minutes of the Sky Blues’ 3-1 defeat to France’s seventh-best side on Saturday evening.

And this morning they confirmed that the ball is expected to return to earth “within in the next couple of days”.

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“Our satellites picked up an unidentified flying object travelling at approximately 120mph coming from the west coast of the Iberian peninsula last night,” a spokesman for the agency reported.

“We are duty-bound to track any unusual activity as objects of this nature pose a real threat to other aircraft and orbiting satellites.”

“In fact, several launches here have had to be postponed in recent years due to the MLS being so incredibly sh*te,” he added.

“And you can imagine the difficulties caused when Cristiano Ronaldo is practising those free-kicks of his. You’d think he’d give up eventually.”

“Fortunately, the force, velocity and steep trajectory of Sterling’s effort saw this pass out through the earth’s atmosphere within seconds.”

However, the space boffins expect the errant projectile to come back down some time in the next few days.

LISBON, PORTUGAL – AUGUST 15: Raheem Sterling of Manchester City looks dejected following his team’s defeat in the UEFA Champions League Quarter Final match between Manchester City and Lyon at Estadio Jose Alvalade on August 15, 2020 in Lisbon, Portugal. (Photo by Franck Fife/Pool via Getty Images)

“It is losing speed now and we expect it to fall back within the plant’s gravitational field at some point early this week, at which point it will come crashing to earth faster than a Man City Champions League campaign,” he said.

He then added that Ole Gunnar Solskajaer had expressed an interest in recovering the ball “as it would be like a trophy” should Manchester United fail to win the Europa League.

Meanwhile, in the aftermath of the stunning result, Jamie Carragher has reportedly been contacted by several plastic surgeons who were concerned that his face may be stuck in a state of permanent shock following footage released of him watching the Sterling miss.

The former Liverpool defender’s screech was said to have shattered windows in the surrounding offices, and worries were expressed on social media that he may have been permanently scarred by the event.

“Where you see a traumatic moment like this, it can have physical as well as emotional consequences,” said Dr Dick Minerva of the California Institute of Rhinoplasty, Liposuction and Making Your Teeth White.

“We would love to invite Mr Carragher for a free consultation should his face remain frozen in perpetual shock over the coming days.”

“And naturally, if he wants to get anything done to correct it, we’ll remove the arm-and-a-leg it’ll cost at no extra charge.”

When reached for comment the pundit was unable to add anything further as his voice can only be heard by dogs since the televised squeal.

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