Prospects of an early resolution to the transfer tug-of-war over Jadon Sancho were dashed last night as Manchester United refused to accept Dortmund’s valuation of the winger – and even threatened to add Phil Jones to the package if Dortmund did not relent on their demands, according to sources close to Ed Woodward.
Following reports yesterday that the deal would be done by August 10, there is widespread despair today at the news that Manchester United’s one-man disaster zone could be during negotiations in an effort to drive down the German club’s asking price.
United’s transfer chief Ed Woodward is said to have grown tired of requests from the 1997 European champions for a fee in excess of £100m, especially as it’s interfering with his most recent Football Manager save where he snagged Sancho for a mere £71m plus error-prone centre half.
“Ed’s had enough of their tactics, so he’s pulled out the big guns. ‘If you don’t do this deal now, we’re adding this donkey.”
“And don’t think I won’t tack on Lingard either.”
“Get on with it – or else. that’s what he’s saying to them.”
When the possibility of Jones as part of the deal was brought up, there was a noticeable change among the negotiators on the Dortmund side.
“They didn’t know what hit them. It just went silent for about a minute, and Ed was about to hang up and order Chinese for dinner as he tries to dig his United team out of League One on FM, but then this low whimpering, like a dog in pain, started to well up on the other end of the line for a couple of minutes before blood-curdling scream burst out and the line went dead.”
“So we’re waiting to hear back from them, assuming everyone on their side wasn’t so traumatised they swallowed their own tongues.”
And our source confirms that this isn’t the first time Jones’ name has been deployed with devastating results.
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“A director of Sporting Lisbon quit last summer during initial negotiations for Bruno Fernandes’ transfer when Jones was suggested as part of a deal.”
“He’s since left his wife, given away all his earthly possessions and moved to Tibet where he herds goats and contemplates the wonder of the universe’.”
When asked if Woodward had threatened Aston Villa with Jones as part of a move for Jack Grealish, our source said that Jones would be an improvement on Villa;’s centrebacks, so the threat was worthless.
“They’d have an open-top bus parade if they got him on loan for six months.”