No-Bullshit Transfer Talk: United swap Sanchez for Sancho

Man United might spare us the prolonged drama of transfer window-spannng Jadon Sancho tug-of-war - if Inter agree to take Alexis, that is


So Long Sanchez

Reports suggest that Jadon Sancho’s mooted move to Manchester may not top the most tedious saga rankings of our truncated transfer window – if they can offload noted trier Alexis Sanchez.

The Chilean’s unique brand of shaking his head at teammates’ poor passes and demonstrations that he was “trying harder than the rest of this rabble” never really took off at Old Trafford, largely because he didn’t do the things like scoring goals and making more that let you get away with that kind of sh*t.

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Now, negotiating genius Ed Woodward has found someone else they’d rather pay a chunk of the £390,000-a-week flop’s wages in the shape of Dortmund starlet Jadon Sancho, so moving the misfit off the books has become a priority,

Fortunately, Inter Milan are keen on making Sanchez’s loan move permanent – as long as United pay off the remaining two years of this contract and don’t come looking for a transfer fee either.


In fact, so comprehensively have Untied been owned in this deal, we wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a clause that sees Ed turning up to cut the grass and clean the toilets at the San Siro next season.

It all means that United can push ahead with their planned £108m deal for England winger Sancho, who we’ll pencil in for a pay-off in three years time.
Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang

Oui to Ousmane?

Arsenal’s FA Cup win has given them a sliver of hope to hanging on to the man who scored both their goals against Chelsea, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, but there are more things than a Europa League spot and eighth-placed finish needed to keep the 31-year-old happy at the Emirates.

For instance, bringing in his old teammates.

According to reports in France today, the former St Etienne and Borussia Dortmund striker would like to see Ousmane Dembele, also ex of the German club, to be rescued from his disappointing spell with Barcelona following a nine-figure transfer in 2017.

At the time, the Frenchman was one of the most exciting wingers in Europe, but injuries and inconsistent form have seen him struggle to push past Luis Suarez’s expanding backside in the Barca line-up.

Now, Arsenal could be forced by their captain into signing a cast-off from a Spanish giant at considerable expense. If that sounds familiar, you’ll also recall that Mesut Ozil is still cashing those £300k-per-week cheques.

Nothing can possibly go wrong with this deal.

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