Liverpool seek to clarify if Premier League trophy is actually cake

If it exists, it's probably cake


There is widespread concern on Merseyside today that the Premier League trophy they are due to lift after their final game of the season is actually a cake.

Reports suggest there is growing anxiety both inside and outside the club that the trophy the Reds have been pursuing for three decades may not be real and could just be a baked replica.

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The fears follow a spate of viral video clips showing a series of sponge creations decorated in photo-realistic fashion to resemble other objects.

“It’s just not what we need to see right now,” said one supporter at Anfield this morning, who was holding a banner outside the club shop that read “Is the PL trophy cake?”

“The whole world is cake. TV remote. Cake. Fish and chips last night. Cake. The mushy peas and everything. Even the blogroll this morning was cake. ”

“I think the club need to confirm that the trophy is in fact made of solid silver and not cake to allay fans’ fears after watching these videos.”

And, as tensions have grown given the club’s lengthy wait to lift the trophy, there are reports of groups of fans gathering outside Greggs’ stores throughout the area demanding to know if the high street bakery chain had anything to do with turning the trophy into a cake.

“We only do small items,” a panicked spokesman said on their behalf. “I suppose you could stack a few doughnuts on top of one another, but the icing decoration is beyond our staffs’ capabilities.”

“Plus, have you tried our stuff? It’s sh*te. It’s never hold together. We’re talking a Great British Bake-Off disaster.”

Worries among the fanbase have even prompted the club to contact the Premier League in an effort to confirm the league title is not just a blob of fancily painted dough.

We can reveal that an email sent to the league headquarters from within Liverpool’s senior management group proposes several possible ways to ascertain the non-cake nature of the trophy.

“We would appreciate if you could provide a timestamped video with the Premier League trophy being prodded by a knife to assuage the concerns of our fans.”

“Alternatively, if the trophy could be left in the Talksport studio with Alan Brazil for a morning and emerge uneaten, we would be satisfied that it is a genuine trophy.”


“We would be willing to cover the cost of removing any bite marks or other damage accrued during this test if necessary.”

As of yet, the Premier League has declined to respond to our queries as to whether the trophy is cake.

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