In news that may come as a shock to Arsenal fans, some club supporters still are in the habit of singing songs in support of their teams during games. No, really.
And with fans absent from the stands of the remaining Premier League games – yeah, I know, City just can’t see what the big deal is – Sky have announced they’ll allow fans watching at home to vote for chants to be piped in during live games.
It’s gotta be “Who’s the b**tard in the VAR room?” for me, Clive.
Here’s a few ideas on chants we’d love to hear revived and crackling through the speakers when the Premier League roars back into action:
“Harry Potter, He’s Coming For You”
Newcastle take on Sheffield United this Sunday, and what better way to welcome Jonjo Shelvey back than to remind him how much he looks like Voldemort, just like West Ham fans did a few years ago when he was at Liverpool?
Those East end scallywags were at it again when Bobby Zamora lined out in Claret and Blue. They were less than impressed with some of his finishing, it’s fair to say, leading to this tune, set to the Dean Martin standard, “That’s Amore”:
When the ball hits your head,
And you’re sat in row Z,
Here’s a miss from his Fulham days that explains all:
Rub your beard all over my body!
It’s a few years since Reading wafted back to the Championship following a strong showing in the Premier League, but we’d almost give them a temporary spot back in the top-flight just hear this ode to their most famous fan ringing around us in glorious surround sound. Set to the tune of Madonna’s “Erotic”, no less.
Whatever you’re into, lads.
Blame it on Traore
Famously part of the 2005 Miracle in Istanbul, Djimi Traore has a special place in Liverpool lore, and his unique ability to stumble through games earned him this catchy little ditty while at Anfield:
Don’t blame it on the Biscan,
Don’t blame it on the Hamann,
Don’t blame it on the Finnan,
Blame it on Traore.
He just can’t, he just can’t, he just can’t control his feet
And, in case you’d forgotten, here’s where that came from:
Greasy Chip Butty
Sheffield United supporters could have a European place – even a Champions League one if they’re lucky – to celebrate once everything’s done and dusted on their interrupted return season to top division, but even if they miss out they clearly have enough to bring them joy in and around the south Yorkshire city, based on this heartfelt re-imagining of the John Denver song that isn’t about a plane.
For those who don’t speak Northern, Magnet is a kind of beer, apparently:
You fill up my senses,
Like a gallon of Magnet,
Like a packet of Woodbines,
Like a good pinch of snuff,
Like a night out in Sheffield,
Like a greasy chip butty,
Like Sheffield United,
Come fill me again
Na na na na na…Ooooohh!
That Loving Feeling
And it’s another classic hit to round this countdown, as we’re transported all the way back to the mid-nineties when Coventry were still hanging on to the Premier League by their fingernails every season. Skilful forward Peter Ndlovu and goalkeeper John Filan played their part in keeping the Sky Blues afloat for a few years, but both departed Highfield Road in 1997, leading to an immortal – and possibly never-sang-at-an-actual-game – riff on the Everley Brothers:
We’ve lost Ndlovu and Filan
Wooah, Ndlovu and Filan,
We’ve lost Ndlovu and Filan,
Now they’re gone, gone, gone.
It’d get my vote for any game.