Newcastle Sale: Toon Army welcome Darth Vader takeover bid

Once you get past the galactic domination thing, he's actually quite a nice fella I'm told


Newcastle United fans have welcomed a bid from potential new owner Darth Vader, it has emerged.

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The takeover moved a step closer as new documents show current owner Mike Ashley entered into a charge agreement with the infamous Sith Lord.

The Premier League has also been informed of the potential deal and is understood to have begun the process of carrying out checks against the former Jedi Knight.

If it’s still going, there are probably odds on it at

The latest development will encourage many Newcastle fans who want to see Ashley end his association with the club, having taken over in 2007.

Talks are described as ‘advanced’ but ‘complicated’ due to the criticism of the Galactic Empire’s human rights record from Amnesty International.

Darth Vader and Stormtroopers at a Star Wars display during the Disney D23 EXPO 2015 held at the Anaheim Convention Center in Anaheim, California on August 14, 2015. The three day event showcases all things Disney and is held every two years. AFP PHOTO/MARK RALSTON (Photo credit should read MARK RALSTON/AFP via Getty Images)

Vader took to Instagram this morning to give an update on the progress of the bid.

Addressing his 70 million followers, the force-sensitive Sith said:

‘Hey, all you cool cats and kittens. I’m delighted to announce that Newcastle United will soon know the power of the dark side!’.

‘Once all mandatory checks have been completed, it will be the end of the Mike Ashley Rebellion’.

‘With the Toon Army under my control, Premier League domination is inevitable’, guffawed the former Tatooine slave.

Vader looks set to complete his takeover by the end of the week having fought off last minute competition from Ming the Merciless and exotic zoo owner Jeff Lowe.

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Editor of the Newcastle fanzine ‘The Mag’, Julio Geordio, said the Toon Army will welcome Vader with open arms: ‘He cannae be any worse than that tit Mike Ashley, pet’.

‘We’re hoping Darth will invest in the squad and return this huge club to the glory years of the mid-70s when we won back-to-back Texaco Cups’.

There have been unsubstantiated rumours that the Dark Lord will look to re-sign David Ginola, Alan Shearer and the Honey Monster, should his takeover bid prove successful.

However, the Honey Monster took to Twitter this morning to pour cold milk on the suggestion:

‘Few Newcastle goals will live longer in the memory than my last-minute back-post header back in 1996’, said the large, hairy cereal mascot.

‘But I’m afraid any talk of me re-signing for the Toon Army is just internet rumours. PS the honey’s my hero’.

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Meanwhile, former Newcastle boss Kevin Keegan believes the Vader takeover bid is just what the club needs:

‘I tell ya, I will absolutely love it, love it if Darth buys them. Love it.’

If it’s still going, there are probably odds on it at