It would appear Sporting Lisbon midfielder Bruno Fernandes has gone to extraordinary lengths in order to attract the attention of Manchester United.
The 25-year-old Portuguese was one of 87 players the Old Trafford outfit failed to sign last summer and he’s been trying to keep himself on their radar ever since.
Fernandes started flirting with the Red Devils by ‘liking’ all the club’s profile pics on Facebook.
The former Sampdoria star followed this up by casually sliding into the club’s DMs with a late-night message which read: ‘U up? Xx’.
After failing to get a response, the Portuguese World Cup star got pissed and bombarded the club’s CEO Ed Woodward with drunken texts.
The 48-year-old former investment banker woke up to a dozen badly spelt WhatsApp messages from the midfielder.
Fernandes even went as far as sending Woodward a picture of himself sobbing in a full United strip with a caption reading:
‘Feel like pure sh*t. Just want Man United to come back in for me’.
At the end of his tether, the Sporting Lisbon star uploaded a series of photos of Tommy Shelby to Facebook which were emblazoned with bullsh*t quotes about loyalty.
And when this didn’t get the required reaction from the club, Fernandes decided a change of tactics was required.
So in an attempt to make the Red Devils jealous, the midfielder uploaded a pic of himself in a Man City shirt along with the caption: ‘Felt cute. Might delete later idk’.
And it looks as though Fernandes’ Facebook histrionics might have finally paid off as it’s believed the 25-year-old is on a list of players Ed Woodward would like to sign in January but can’t because he’s sh*te.
And with only 11 days before the transfer window shuts, Woodward faces a race against time to get the deal done.
After failing to negotiate a better deal on his car insurance, United fans are less than optimistic about Woodward’s chances of signing the Portuguese midfielder.
‘Ed clearly has some compromising photographs of the Glazers. It’s the only way to explain why he still has a job’, claims Ian Gallagher of the Manchester United Supporters Trust.
'Bruno Fernandes' move to #MUFC is in SEVERE doubt unless Sporting Lisbon drastically reduce their asking price' ???
?️ Big news from @DFletcherSport on Bruno Fernandes' proposed move to Man United
— BBC 5 Live Sport (@5liveSport) January 17, 2020
Woodward was appointed executive vice-chairman of the club back in 2012.
Since then the former accountant paid Paul Pogba’s agent £40M and made Alexis Sanchez the most well-paid piano player in the club’s history.
The Chilean played more notes on the piano in his cringe-worthy signing reveal video than he did games during an ill-fated 18-month spell at Old Trafford.