If you haven’t seen Charlie Austin’s rant after his side were held to a 1-1 draw at the weekend, you’re missing out.
If you haven’t seen the rip done of it to the tune of Parklife by Blur, you’re really missing out. But, it got us thinking – where does it rank among some of the best Premier League rants of our time?
Well folks, buckle up for some fun, facts and fury – there are the top five Premier League rants of all time.
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The original version PARKLIFE ? pic.twitter.com/Lw5ApT7KBe
— Ryan Butterworth (@RJButterworth11) November 11, 2018
5. Jose Mourinho – ‘Three Times’
After United were well beaten by Spurs this season, Jose Mourinho was taken aback by journalists seemingly not showing him respect.
Ironically, it’s a journalist’s job not to give any pre-determined leeway or hardline stance on any manager based on his or her previous achievements, but anyway.
After he finished discussing the game, he asked the hack in question what the score was? 3-0, of course. He then raised three fingers in the air, before asking what those present believed it meant.
“It also means three Premierships. And I’ve won more Premierships than the other 19 managers alone. Three for me – and two for them.” He then went on his merry way, before shouting ‘respect’ like some shite Aretha Franklin tribute act.
4. Roy Hodgson – ‘You can use that if you want?’
Maybe lesser known than the others in this list, Roy Hodgson came away from a win against Bolton Wanderers when he was in charge of West Brom but felt slightly unnerved when the BBC’s Ivan Gaskell called him out for being “tricky” with questions.
A penalty was given against his side, but when asked which decision he had an issue with, he went off on one.
Hodgson isn’t evidently being antagonised but feels that Gaskell was “taking the piss”, before angrily agreeing to roll the camera, before explaining to the then-unaware audience that this was the second take and the argument has already taken place regarding the controversial penalty decision in the first place.
This was a long way from that head-panning gif he’s so famous for.
3. Joe Kinnear – ‘You’re a c**t’.
Sometimes, these things are best left to the transcript:
JK: Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror’s north-east football writer]?
JK: You’re a c**t.
SB: Thank you.
JK: Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely f*cking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you, you can f*ck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that f*cking crap. No f*cking way, lies. F*ck, you’re saying I turned up and they [Newcastle’s players] f*cked off.
SB: No Joe, have you read it, it doesn’t actually say that. Have you read it?
JK: I’ve f*cking read it, I’ve read it.
SB: It doesn’t say that. Have you read it?
JK: You are trying to f*cking undermine my position already.
SB: Have you read it, it doesn’t say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.
JK: F*ck off. F*ck off. It’s your last f*cking chance.
2. Rafa Benitez – ‘Facts’
This is probably one of the most famous soundbites in Premier League history because so many people use it word for word when they do an impression of Rafa Benitez, or any Spaniard in general.
If going viral was a thing back then, well – whoof.
Indeed, Mr. Benitez was only interested in facts. He made that much clear. Hilariously, this was seen as the downfall of Liverpool, at least spiritually, as he spoke about the nerves getting to Manchester United when in fact, he, was rambling like a madman.
He covered everything from touchline bans to fines to Mike Dean; Rio Ferdinand to Keith Hackett to Martin Atkinson; early kick-offs to Christmas congestion to Respect campaigns.
This truly was incredible.
1. Kevin Keegan – ‘I will love it if we beat them’
“When you do that with footballers like he said about Leeds, and when you do things like that about a man like Stuart Pearce…
“I’ve kept really quiet but I’ll tell you something, he went down in my estimations when he said that. We have not resorted to that. You can tell him now, we’re still fighting for this title and he’s got to go to Middlesbrough and get something.
“And I’ll tell you, honestly, I will love it if we beat them. Love it.
“But it really has got to me. I’ve voiced it live, not in front of the press or anywhere. I’m not even going to the press conference. But the battle is still on and Man United have not won this yet.”
They had won it. But, what a moment.
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