A Salford newsagent has revealed to The Rebound that a figure representing Paul Pogba visited his premises on Tuesday morning in order to cancel the Manchester United midfielder’s existing subscription to the Daily Mirror.
“It came as a bit of a surprise, to be honest,” said the newsagent. “Paul drops by regularly in order to pick up his Mirror, and gives every indication of loving the ‘intelligent tabloid’ almost as much as he loves brightly coloured football boots.
“He told me one time that he really admires the paper’s combination of a down-to-earth style and a refusal to patronise its readers without resorting to oversimplification or, conversely, obfuscation. So, yeah, it was a shock when this lad came by this AM demanding immediate cancellation of Paul’s subscription.”
“At first, I thought the guy was having a laugh, because Paul loves his Mirror. But I recognised him as one of Paul’s mates and he had a handwritten note from the man himself as evidence of his bona fides. After a while, it all became clear.
“The lad told me that Paul had gone to a lot of trouble to organise a massive street party down Eccles way on Monday night on the back of a story the paper ran last week stating Jose Mourinho would be sacked regardless of the result against Newcastle.
“Apparently, he ordered a massive batch of sausage rolls from the local Gregg’s and 150 litres of Vimto for local dignitaries he’d invited, such as Paul Scholes, as well as croissants and prosecco from M&S for the more continental folks in attendance. It was all set to go. There was even supposed to be a huge, bespoke ‘Free at last’ banner arriving up from London, and a group of face-painters hired from Manchester Uni’s art department.
“More importantly, it was made clear to me that Paul had been delighted to read the story, and was looking forward to a bright new era under Michael Carrick’s stewardship.”
When the sacking failed to materialise by the time the get-together was due to begin, Paul hastily called off the party and reportedly flew into a rage, tearing up and setting fire to a crate of Mirror back issues.
“He was apoplectic, I believe,” says the newsagent, who wishes to remain anonymous. “He felt betrayed and described the journalist in question as a ‘saboteur’ and an ‘enemy of the people’, before DMing John Cross asking for the guy’s home address and phone number.”
Pogba is said to be humiliated by the incident, and believes the publicity gained by the piece may have influenced United’s decision not to follow through with their promise.
“The lad who came in kept going on about ‘fake news’ and ‘politically led agendas’, and how Paul had decided to subscribe instead to a newspaper he thinks can be trusted to only report the facts when it comes to once-powerful but now obsolete egomaniacs leaving venerable institutions much bigger and more stable than themselves. ‘Josexit means Josexit’, he roared in anger several times, or so I’m told.
“So he’s cancelled that Mirror subscription and signed up for a 12-month Daily Mail delivery instead.”
The Rebound is Paddy Power’s weekly breaking news story that may not actually have happened or be real in any way.