Andy Dawson: The fruit & veg that the under-fire bosses should be wary of

Pity poor Steve Bruce. Not only has he been unceremoniously dumped by Aston Villa in the wake of an exciting 3-3 draw with Preston which left his side a staggering TWO points off a play-off spot… and not only does he have a face like a budget cushion that’s just been humped by a randy Labrador, his exit from Villa Park also leaves us with an unshakeable memory.

In case you’ve been in a coma for the past couple of days, you’ll know that Bruce’s final match in charge of Villa was marred… no, sorry, ENHANCED by the sight of a cabbage being at lobbed at him by an irate fan.

You’d think that the club’s hierarchy might show some sympathy and understanding and wait a week or two for the cabbage thing to slightly fade from memory before binning Bruce off, but no.

The cabbage-hurling and Steve’s farewell will now be inextricably linked forever and ever.

But, what about the other high-profile managers who are under fire right now? What fruit and vegetables should THEY be scouring the crowd for? I’ve had a big old think…

Jose Mourinho

Given his overriding nature these days, you’d expect to see the Manchester United misery on the receiving end of a PRICKLY pear, eh? Yes? But perhaps not, as the prickly pear has a sweet flavour not unlike that of bubble gum. You could have someone’s eye out with it as well…

Rafa Benitez

Fresh from his squad-bonding meal with Mike Ashley where he was handed no extra money as a tip, Rafa will be hoping that he gets a pineapple chucked at him from the Lost Gardens of Heligan in Cornwall. These beauties take two years to grow, using ‘Victorian techniques’ including straw, manure, and horse urine and are worth £1,000 each. Every little helps, Rafa…

Mark Hughes

There’s been very few laughs in Hughes’ world for what seems like years now, so no one would be shocked to see something sour chucked at him from behind his St Mary’s dugout – something like a Japanese Umeboshi plum (yes, I googled ‘world’s sourest fruit’). Failing that, Southampton fans could try and lift his sagging spirits by singing this joy-filled fruit and veg anthem…

David Wagner

The Huddersfield boss is going spare at the lack of goals from his team, and it’s beginning to worry the fans as well – they should club together and buy the largest pumpkin from down the Halloween shop and throw it at him. If he survives, he can pass it on to his players to use for shooting practice. After all, it’d be way bigger than a football so they might have a slender chance of putting it betwixt the posts.

Neil Warnock

Cardiff owner Vincent Tan could well get nervous and start considering the sack for Neil Warnock if the team’s slow start to the Premier League season doesn’t pick up soon. Warnock will be fine though – like the boomerang, he’ll always come back. But a boomerang isn’t a fruit, so you’d expect to see fans chucking a good old-fashioned pre-EU, post-Brexit bendy banana at him. Viva Warnock and viva Brexit!