Andy Dawson: The Mourinho trip – who set the trap?

Poor old Jose Mourinho can’t catch a break at the moment.

His Manchester United team is bang average, Ed Woodward wouldn’t give him £100m to buy another centre back or two during the summer, and he’s STILL living in a hotel like an even moodier, albeit swarthier and more handsome version of Alan Partridge.

To add insult to injury (with an additional bit of injury thrown in for good measure), Jose was filmed stumbling and hitting the deck at Wembley on Saturday evening before England v Spain. To the casual observer, it looked like an innocuous incident where he caught his foot on a rope barrier and one which was quickly laughed off by the Portuguese managerial legend.

But to a twitchy, paranoid conspiracy theorist with too much time on his hands, the Mourinho fall is manna from heaven, with a whole host of possible suspects who could have laid a rope trap and scuppered his entrance into Wembley.

A twitchy, paranoid conspiracy theorist with too much time on his hands such as, let’s say, me… so whodunit?

Estás bien @Llourinho? Pedimos el VAR? pic.twitter.com/UOhfmRTQAt

— Tio Torren (@Torren___) September 9, 2018

Luke Shaw

The Manchester United left back has been treated like a dog by his manager over the past couple of years, but has finally found some form this season and proved him wrong.

He’s even earned an England recall.

So, what could be sweeter than getting into Wembley early and laying a trap for his tormentor?

Further proof that Shaw was responsible lies in the horrific injury that he obviously faked in an attempt to go home early and avoid any post-match ‘feedback’ from Mourinho once he found out what Shaw had done.

Case closed – or is it?

John Terry

Rumours were abound last week that Mourinho’s former defensive lieutenant could be making a sensational Premier League comeback and teaming up with his old boss again on a short-term Old Trafford contract.

But nothing seems to have come of it, and no one would be surprised if the notoriously-proud Terry sought vengeance by laying a Wembley trap for Mourinho…

Rui Faria

When Faria left United in the summer after over 15 years working alongside Mourinho, it was assumed that he would quickly find a managerial role somewhere… but that is still to happen.

Was there something more to their parting than Faria seeking to better himself?

Has Jose been scuppering his mate’s chances of landing a job somewhere with a vicious whispering campaign against him? We can only wildly speculate and make s**t up.

But probably, yes – which is why Faria almost certainly tampered with the rope barrier.

Luis Enrique

If we conveniently ignore the new Spain manager’s five-year spell as a Real Madrid player, we see that he is pretty much Barcelona through and through.

And Catalans notoriously have long memories and a thirst for settling scores – cast your mind back to when Mourinho jabbed then-Barca coach Tito Vilanova right in the eye back in 2011.

Saturday’s rope trick might well have been engineered by Enrique ahead of Jose’s Wembley entrance – all the evidence you need (if you’re a rabid fantasist) is clearly there.

Boris Johnson

Finally, the wildcard. A political baddie with a penchant for letting off a smoke bomb of distraction each time he has been caught up to no good.

And with the story of his collapsing marriage breaking, the chance to set up a diversionary story could have been too tempting for Johnson to resist.

Throw in the fact that Wembley Stadium is less than a dozen miles from Johnson’s Uxbridge constituency and the evidence becomes impossible to disprove.

Is there no low to which he won’t sink?