Full Tweet W*nkers: Morgan returns and Goldbridge as brilliant as ever

An old favourite comes back from exile...


All things considered, this was a pretty quiet weekend for hot-takes from Football Twitter’s elite nonsense-creators.

Even the return from self-imposed exile of Piers Morgan failed to truly ignite the shite, but he did manage to come back with a bit of a bang. More of which anon.

In the meantime, we turn to a man whom we’re certain will become a FTW staple. A man paid to comment on football with the eye of an expert:

Unai Emery has been Arsenal manager for a grand total of four league games. He was appointed at the end of May, about three-and-a-half months ago, and is attempting to forge a new way at a club that has been in a rut for the past fifteen years or so. But Keysey thinks we should already be seeing a totally different side.

Never mind that it’s quite evident to nearly everyone who’s watching what has changed. Arsenal’s defensive line is playing at such high altitude now that they’re beginning to get headaches, and the team has collectively run more than any other in the league. Additionally, they only won four Premier League games away from home in 2017/18 – for this team, winning on the road against a Neil Warnock side is a big deal.

Still, no change, eh Richard?

Next up is someone who we love very dearly indeed over here in Power Tower. If you’re not familiar with Mark Goldridge Of The United Stand, you need to familiarise yourself with his comedy stylings at the earliest possible opportunity. If you’re lucky, you may even end up lunching together at Gregg’s.

Those of you who’ve been on board the Goldbridge train for a while now won’t be surprised at what he’s served up this weekend. Goldbridge is a man for whom the word ‘consistency’ refers to nothing other than the texture of baked goods, so it’s hardly a shock to see him essay a sashay from this:

…to this:

Ah yes, the old switcheroo. To be fair to Goldbridge, though, we won’t really hear a bad word said about him. The man is a genius:

Anyway, on to a man who hails from our very own Emerald Isle. Most of you will know Miguel Delaney at this stage. There’s not much to dislike about Miggy, and his enthusiasm is fairly infectious. But we’re not really sure what he’s on about here:

Delaney, of course, is referring to Eleven Sports, which, if social media is anything to go by, appears to have opened up Serie A and La Liga to a whole new world of people who either can’t afford BT Sports subscriptions or have no other way to watch these leagues. The subscription to Eleven is cheap, easy and non-binding – what more do you want, Miguel?

Oh, and:

1) Just cast it to your TV or use a HDMI cable. People have literally been doing this for a decade or more.
2) Aww, poor Miguel. Also, you can open multiple tabs on any internet browser, so you can actually watch three different channels at the same time on Eleven. Anyway, it sounds to me like you’re not even bothering to watch those ‘other games’…
3) Speak for yourself. It’s not 2007!

Is it possible Miguel’s issues aren’t really ‘issues’? Could it be that he’s just afraid of change and is unhappy about minor inconveniences…? First World Journalist Problems, eh?

Finally, where would Full Tweet W*nkers be without this chap?:

Piers recently went on a sabbatical from Twitter because he ‘couldn’t stomach’ it, yet feels he’s in a position to criticise Mesut Ozil for being ill. Keep on keeping on, Piers.

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